Overdue -Day 5

I'm trying something different today and hoping it works.

I'm trying to be positive about what's going on. Positive about the induction in 9 days that's rapidly becoming a big possibility, and positive about not having the baby here for the holidays. I'm trying to find good in him staying in there a bit longer, instead of it causing me to be insanely hormonal and distressed.

I hate feeling like my body is broken, like it can build a baby but can't get the baby out for some reason. It didn't work with Katie, and it seems like it may not be working again. I'm trying to get these thoughts out of my head though. I've done the important work, it doesn't matter as much how the baby gets here now.

It feels better though, not expecting to burst into labor at any moment. It's less disappointing. For the first time in two weeks, I didn't wake up and immediately check for water breakage or contractions. I just woke up and thought the snow looked really beautiful today, and how nice it would be to have a white Christmas for once. I didn't focus on losing my ideal birth yet again, but focused on what more I can get ready today for the baby. I focused on how I still felt tired, but don't need to worry about going into labor and being exhausted because I probably am not going to be today. It's a bit easier to focus on other things, even though it's difficult. I was due before the middle of December, and women in my due date group that were even due in January are already having their babies. I feel like I've been left behind, like I lost my chance...but I'm trying to change that.

So today I'm working on accepting that I'll probably be induced in nine days, I'll probably be in the hospital again, and things won't be quite how I wanted them to be. Either that means that when I go in for my induction, I'll be calm and accepting, or it means I'll be overjoyed if I happen to not make it there. Right now, I'm thinking the induction may make things easier. It's at 5 PM, which means we'll have plenty of time that day to get ready, pack the car, drop Katie off, and get to the hospital. No super early 3 AM wake ups and trying to move Katie and having to leave her while she's asleep, no barely awake zombies trying to shower and get to the hospital. It may be an ideal plan all in itself.

I should probably go take my 40 week picture that I've avoided taken, as my 41 week picture is going to be needed in two days. After an entire pregnancy, it's probably best to not suddenly drop the ball now - might as well finish the project.