I think I'm awake enough to write. I may not be. Either way, I"m pretty out of it but I'll try to get this out. Last night was one of the worst nights ever. NO ONE in the house slept! Katie fell asleep early as I was preparing her bath, but it was only about an hour before her bedtime so I figured she'd be okay. I had Bill put her to bed, and then we went to bed around 11, knowing we had an early baby appointment today. Well, midnight hit and this child was AWAKE. Nothing would put her to sleep. After she got her juice she started to do better, but then I turned my flashlight on to change the baby's diaper. That was it for her - she saw a shadow on the ceiling and for the first time ever, became terrified of something. She kept shaking my saying "Monster! Monster!" Usually she loves monsters, so I said "okay, monster" (I'm half asleep) and kept changing the baby. She started to roar like a monster and kept talking about it until she started to cry. She wouldn't calm down about the 'monster', even after shutting off the light and making it go away. Eventually, we had to split up the family - Bill took Katie downstairs and he stayed up/took naps with her on the sofa while she watched Big Comfy Couch, cuddled with Daddy and played with her new Leapfrog Ultra toy that Bill surprised us with as her Big Sister toy. (Let me tell you - it's a LIFESAVER! She thinks it's like a giant smartphone just for her, and since we're just days away of getting rid of our phones, it's a great time to make this transition.)
Anyway, it was extremely difficult to wake up early this morning. I was up all night with Will and my boobs - both which wanted to give me issues. Will wanted to nurse often, and both of my boobs wanted to make rivers at all times. The more I nursed, the more both of them wanted to soak everything.
We did make it to the appointment somehow, though. Katie fell asleep in the car and slept through the whole appointment, and Will just wanted to nurse the entire time. The doctor checked him out and said he was doing amazing. They usually have to bring all babies back for a two week check up to check if they're gaining enough weight, but Will is already past his birth weight. I was worried because he poops about every half hour (not an exaggeration!). His meconium was gone within the first day. I thought with a baby who pooped so much, he might not be gaining much weight and all the milk I've been giving him would just even him out instead of make him gain. But, he did gain one ounce - not bad, seeing that he's pooped like crazy since birth and I've only had my milk in for less than three days!
The doctor also said I don't need to worry about jaundice now, his color is great and the kind of jaundice that's worrying would have showed up by this point, so there's no worry there - what a relief!
So because he's already past his birth weight, they don't need to see him back for a whole month! I love this place - with Katie, even though she did the same with weight, they made me go back every single week for over a month, and then every two weeks for another two months. It was so nice to hear that we don't need to do that this time! They said he still looks perfect and he's the picture of health, so I'm happy.
Today is a useless day - we're basically taking nap cycles. Katie has been sleeping since 8-9 and at 3:30 she's still completely out. The baby has been sleeping for about an hour. I slept from 10:30-2, and now it's Bill's turn to nap. It'll be a very tame New Year's Eve here! We all just want to snooze it away.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Baby: Day 2
Baby will is now two days old! It feels like so much longer, probably because there's not nice long sleeps in between!
My milk came in last night already. It was very sudden, and since I remembered the horrible sharp pain that accompanied it last time, I thought it wasn't in yet because I hadn't felt it. I had just blown up like balloons within a few hours. But when Will started to spit up a bit in white, I looked and sure enough, I was very full of milk! It came in even earlier this time than last time, and last time it only took about two days. While it still hurts to latch him on and I contract insanely and very painfully while nursing, the milk coming in wasn't painful at all. I'm very full, but not feeling engorged. While they're quite hard, I've been doing my best to keep him nursing enough to take some of the hardness away, but even so it's not painful and no lumps are forming.
This little boy is a crazy poop machine! I don't remember Katie going this much. I think I'm changing a poop every two hours. On the hospital chart, it says today I should be looking for 1-2 soiled diapers and 2 pee diapers. My goodness, he has gone so far beyond that! This little boy's organs are all working very well. He also shows no signs of jaundice yet, which I'm glad about. I do plan on putting him under the lights for the next few days.
Right now I'm really enjoying the newborn sleep stage. He sleeps for a few hours, wakes up to nurse and get his diaper changed, and then falls right back to sleep. It's lovely! If I didn't have Katie needing mommy time, I'd be able to get lots of sleep. Instead, she's still getting lots of cuddles and we've been setting up Christmas toys together. She's been handling the baby quite well - the only time she freaks out is when she wants to really play with him more than I can allow. She wants to help out and hold him and feed him all the time, and loves to point out body parts. She's been very sweet and gentle though! The only time she gets upset besides that is usually at night time - she wants mommy cuddles then too, and daddy cuddles are NOT the same! I spend my night switching off from nursing Will and cuddling Katie. One of them is always in the crib, the other is usually beside me. Tonight we're clearing out Katie's bed and putting her in it to sleep to see how long she'll stay in there, as she's been doing so well in the crib. I'd love to get her in the bed and him in the crib at the same time so I could get a few hours of sleep myself!
Since my milk came in, I noticed Will sometimes spits up and sometimes gags. While the spit up is very minimal, I've been keeping an eye on his gagging and hoping that it's just normal. It's only happened a few times, but I don't remember it happening last time and I'm just watching out for other things it could be.
Smells like it's time for another diaper change, which seems to be every five minutes. Between Katie, Will and myself, I'm changing somebody at least once an hour! It's almost like a constant rhythm of changing.
My milk came in last night already. It was very sudden, and since I remembered the horrible sharp pain that accompanied it last time, I thought it wasn't in yet because I hadn't felt it. I had just blown up like balloons within a few hours. But when Will started to spit up a bit in white, I looked and sure enough, I was very full of milk! It came in even earlier this time than last time, and last time it only took about two days. While it still hurts to latch him on and I contract insanely and very painfully while nursing, the milk coming in wasn't painful at all. I'm very full, but not feeling engorged. While they're quite hard, I've been doing my best to keep him nursing enough to take some of the hardness away, but even so it's not painful and no lumps are forming.
This little boy is a crazy poop machine! I don't remember Katie going this much. I think I'm changing a poop every two hours. On the hospital chart, it says today I should be looking for 1-2 soiled diapers and 2 pee diapers. My goodness, he has gone so far beyond that! This little boy's organs are all working very well. He also shows no signs of jaundice yet, which I'm glad about. I do plan on putting him under the lights for the next few days.
Right now I'm really enjoying the newborn sleep stage. He sleeps for a few hours, wakes up to nurse and get his diaper changed, and then falls right back to sleep. It's lovely! If I didn't have Katie needing mommy time, I'd be able to get lots of sleep. Instead, she's still getting lots of cuddles and we've been setting up Christmas toys together. She's been handling the baby quite well - the only time she freaks out is when she wants to really play with him more than I can allow. She wants to help out and hold him and feed him all the time, and loves to point out body parts. She's been very sweet and gentle though! The only time she gets upset besides that is usually at night time - she wants mommy cuddles then too, and daddy cuddles are NOT the same! I spend my night switching off from nursing Will and cuddling Katie. One of them is always in the crib, the other is usually beside me. Tonight we're clearing out Katie's bed and putting her in it to sleep to see how long she'll stay in there, as she's been doing so well in the crib. I'd love to get her in the bed and him in the crib at the same time so I could get a few hours of sleep myself!
Since my milk came in, I noticed Will sometimes spits up and sometimes gags. While the spit up is very minimal, I've been keeping an eye on his gagging and hoping that it's just normal. It's only happened a few times, but I don't remember it happening last time and I'm just watching out for other things it could be.
Smells like it's time for another diaper change, which seems to be every five minutes. Between Katie, Will and myself, I'm changing somebody at least once an hour! It's almost like a constant rhythm of changing.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
The Baby's (Finally!) Here! Birth Story
Our sweet little miracle is finally here! He arrived at 2:31 am on 12.27.13, weighing in at 8lbs, 1.8oz and 20.5 inches in height. He's completely perfect and right away got great health scores.
The labor though was absolute hell. Much worse than with Katie! I was absolutely not prepared for it, and I prepared A LOT!
We arrived in our room around 5 PM, got all set up, and then midwife Robin told me her induction plan. She was going to put an induction pill at my cervix (which I wasn't for but ended up going with anyway) as she said she never has any luck with a foly bulb and usually it'll just dilate someone to a 3 and then they get stuck. At a 3, the pill is no longer a possibility so you're on pitocin for the entire rest of the time. She said with me being still high and at a 1 with my water in tact (they didn't want the bulb to push the baby's head back up and risk getting the cord come down first when the large amounts of water did break) that the pill would be the best option. She told me that should get me to about a 4 and then they'd put me on a low dose of pitocin and monitor it. She said she hoped that by sometime in the morning, I'd be ready to push.
Once she put the pill in at 7 PM, she told me she'd be leaving until midnight and then would be back to check on me. She said if I was more than a 3-4, she'd come in for the night and hoped to start pushing around 4 AM. If not, she'd wait until I was further along and we'd have baby in the morning.
I was exhausted. I went into the hospital super tired, so I slept as much as I could. The pill gave me contractions that were frequent by 9 PM. They were coming every minute or two, but I was happy that even while watching the contractions spike really high on the machine, I was able to breathe my way through them with minimal issue. I eventually fell into a light sleep until at a little after midnight, I woke up with a horribly sharp pain that felt like a knife went through me. Instantly, I started to gush. Bill was asleep and I couldn't reach the nurse's call button, so I started yelling and throwing things at him as contractions started instantly. He eventually woke up enough to call, and a doctor came in to check me. I was at a 2! I was completely crushed. Here I was thinking if my water had broken, I must be at least half way there. I was so excited, and it really was a harsh blow. She said she would call Robin and update her. Robin decided that it wasn't far enough for her to come in, and that she'd check on me in about 4 hours.
Meanwhile, I started dying. I tried to call my mom again to update her on my water breaking, but I was in so much pain I couldn't. I was gripped with contractions that were the most hellish, horrible feeling pain in the world, and they suddenly came every 30 seconds. There was no gradual build up of pain, it went from 0 - a million suddenly. I couldn't even catch my breath! They often double teamed as well, where as soon as I'd start to feel the relief of one contraction ending, another would come roaring in. They always started at the very tip of my pelvis, where it's been hurting for months, and would spread like wild fire. I don't think anyone knew what to do with me, I was absolutely flipping out at only a 2! The nurse kept asking me, though I told her in the beginning not to, if I wanted drugs. At this point, I had no focus, I was being thrown from one contraction into another with no time in between to gather my thoughts and the intensity of the contractions was so rough that I could barely breathe, let alone do the calming hypno-breathing to calm me down, so I agreed to get nebain in the IV they had set up for pitocin. I could only think that if it was tearing me up this badly at a two, I would never make it to a ten without help. I was so afraid of it taking me so long while using up all of my strength that I'd end up with a c-section. I just kept saying that there was no way I was going to get through this with being at only a 2 and that was the biggest fear of mine. If someone could have only told me that I was in transition, I would have been fine continuing on.
Instead, at this point, I felt like such a pansy! I was losing my mind while barely being dilated. I had no idea at the time, but this was actually transition, and I was not a 2, I was probably about an 8-9. I asked for the IV meds, declined the epi, and begged for them to hurry up already. It did extremely little once they finally got it for me. It made me very dizzy and drunk feeling, and for about five minutes it helped in between contractions. But since there was barely any time at all between contractions and it didn't touch the contractions themselves, it quickly just became something that made me dizzy.
It was around 2 AM that I got up needing to go to the bathroom terribly. I finished a contraction and practically ran to the bathroom, lugging my monitors with me. I got on the toilet and emptied everything, but still felt a lot of pressure. I could feel the baby's head, still high up but starting to come into the birth canal. I had two or three horrible contractions on the toilet, where I practiced breathing down the baby. I didn't push, but sort of beared down with breathing like the hynobirthing book talks about. As soon as I could, I jumped up and literally ran and jumped into bed as another contraction came to take me out at the knees. I laid back down and was going insane from the pain. For some reason, (actually, I know exactly the reason - I thought it someone stuck their hand up there to feel for dilation, it would be enough pain to actually kill me. I was doing everything I could to avoid that) I decided to not tell anyone that I could feel the head coming down. As I laid there, I started to get a bit more wild. I could feel my hips spreading apart, my pelvis feeling like it was shattering, my tailbone pushing back. This is around the time that they lost the baby's heartbeat on the monitor and kept trying to flip me back and forth, back and forth to find it. I was so damn annoyed at this because it hurt SO badly to go from side to side. I wasn't worried, I knew why they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat and that he was fine. (The other horrible part about going back and forth was that I was leaking so much fluid, it was filling the entire bed. I was literally soaked from my feet to my shoulders, and I told them to stop touching the bed dressings because I was just gushing gallons every time I had a contraction - which was constantly.
It was around this time (which was around 2:15-2:20) when the nurse couldn't find where to get the heart beat, that I had become loud and thrashing enough to draw the attention of two doctors. They came in and I heard the nurse say "I don't know, she's only a two! She was just checked an hour ago." They asked if they could check me, and I told them to stay out. They said they thought they could see my body bearing down, and told me DO NOT push, I wasn't dilated enough to be anywhere near that stage. I told them okay, but I wasn't pushing - my body was bearing down all on it's own. It wasn't even forcefully, I could just feel all the muscles doing exactly what they were supposed to do, and it felt really good for them to do that! I think I was trying to escape the nurse touching my belly to find the heartbeat at this point too. Finally one doctor said "I'm just going to check really quickly, okay?" At this point, the head was far enough down that I knew he would barely need to touch me, so I said okay. The look on his face was priceless! He said "Oh, that's the head!" as he took his hand out. Before he could finish the sentence, the baby's head rushed through the rest of my birth canal, crowned and popped out, then the rest of his body slid right out at 2:31 AM. I never had to intentionally push. The part of the hynobirthing that I thought was impossible - never pushing but letting your body naturally take over - was the part that ended up happening completely. I never pushed, never had to be coached, the baby was guided down with my muscles and my body would bear down only a few times.
Obviously because of this, we once again got no pictures of the baby coming out. From the time the doctor tried to check me to the time the baby's head was out was the span of maybe 10-15 seconds, and the body followed within a very few seconds of the head. The baby was literally placed on me before my mind even had time to realize the baby was completely out. I was 100% expecting a birth like Katie's, where I pushed for 3 hours and her head got stuck crowning for a half hour in a horrible ring of fire. This time, while I was able to start yelling that I was tearing and holy freaking ring of fire, the baby just wooshed right through it, not even slowing down at that part!
It was a good thing the doctors heard me, because the nurse had no idea what was going on and wasn't even looking at the end of the bed or trying to figure out why I kept telling her that I couldn't put one leg down when she repeatedly told me to (I had to keep my leg up to keep my pelvis open, as the baby's head was coming down. I guess it didn't occur to her that this could be happening.) Had they not been there, the baby would have just fallen into the bed.
Once he was in my arms, they had Bill cut the cord and gave him to me to skin to skin. They were trying to ask me questions about the baby, but I was in so much shock that I suddenly had a baby in my arms after 2 hours of active labor that I couldn't answer. It didn't even occur to me to check if he was a boy until a few minutes later when someone asked to make sure. The baby was staring at me and I was staring back saying "oh my gosh, you're here!" Someone said Robin had been alerted a bit ago of my insane thrashing about and that she should come check me, and she was on her way. I guess on the way in someone told her what happened, because she burst in the door saying "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Did I at least make it for the placenta delivery?" Which she did. She came over and checked the baby, muttering apologies, massaged my belly and told me to give one push - the only push I did the entire time. It easily came out all at once. I was still complaining of a lot of pain after, but they checked me and said I had no tearing or rips. The pain I was referring to was my tailbone, which ached but not in the same way it had with Katie. It feels like I bruised it pretty good, but it's not broken or fractured this time. What a great improvement, I didn't think there was any way I was going to get around that!
The delivery itself was quite wonderful, much better than Katie's, but I'd never wish a short labor on anyone again after this. I was in active labor for only 2 hours and it was such a horrible shock and unbearable pain, I'd much rather the labor be like last time with Katie, where it was 7 hours long and the pain gradually built up so I could learn how to deal with it and become accustomed to it, instead of just getting thrown in the deep end and being held down by riptides. Next time if I need to be induced, I won't be using the pill again. While it worked, it just worked too strongly for me. I now realize that my body just needs a little push to get started, and the foly bulb works great for that. It's gentle enough to start my body but let my body take control and do it on it's own. Medical induction, which I never wanted, was unnecessary. I learned quite a bit about my body during this labor, and hopefully it'll help next time.
I knew from Katie's delivery to deny the sleep meds because they make you so groggy. This time I learned that even when the pain is horrible, deny the nubaine too, because it doesn't touch the pain at all and just makes you feel dizzy and drunk.
After birth, I got to cuddle my baby for an hour or so before they started taking stats. Around 3:30 he was taken to get dressed and looked over. They said he was perfectly healthy and looked great. Our rainbow has finally arrived!
The labor though was absolute hell. Much worse than with Katie! I was absolutely not prepared for it, and I prepared A LOT!
We arrived in our room around 5 PM, got all set up, and then midwife Robin told me her induction plan. She was going to put an induction pill at my cervix (which I wasn't for but ended up going with anyway) as she said she never has any luck with a foly bulb and usually it'll just dilate someone to a 3 and then they get stuck. At a 3, the pill is no longer a possibility so you're on pitocin for the entire rest of the time. She said with me being still high and at a 1 with my water in tact (they didn't want the bulb to push the baby's head back up and risk getting the cord come down first when the large amounts of water did break) that the pill would be the best option. She told me that should get me to about a 4 and then they'd put me on a low dose of pitocin and monitor it. She said she hoped that by sometime in the morning, I'd be ready to push.
Once she put the pill in at 7 PM, she told me she'd be leaving until midnight and then would be back to check on me. She said if I was more than a 3-4, she'd come in for the night and hoped to start pushing around 4 AM. If not, she'd wait until I was further along and we'd have baby in the morning.
I was exhausted. I went into the hospital super tired, so I slept as much as I could. The pill gave me contractions that were frequent by 9 PM. They were coming every minute or two, but I was happy that even while watching the contractions spike really high on the machine, I was able to breathe my way through them with minimal issue. I eventually fell into a light sleep until at a little after midnight, I woke up with a horribly sharp pain that felt like a knife went through me. Instantly, I started to gush. Bill was asleep and I couldn't reach the nurse's call button, so I started yelling and throwing things at him as contractions started instantly. He eventually woke up enough to call, and a doctor came in to check me. I was at a 2! I was completely crushed. Here I was thinking if my water had broken, I must be at least half way there. I was so excited, and it really was a harsh blow. She said she would call Robin and update her. Robin decided that it wasn't far enough for her to come in, and that she'd check on me in about 4 hours.
Meanwhile, I started dying. I tried to call my mom again to update her on my water breaking, but I was in so much pain I couldn't. I was gripped with contractions that were the most hellish, horrible feeling pain in the world, and they suddenly came every 30 seconds. There was no gradual build up of pain, it went from 0 - a million suddenly. I couldn't even catch my breath! They often double teamed as well, where as soon as I'd start to feel the relief of one contraction ending, another would come roaring in. They always started at the very tip of my pelvis, where it's been hurting for months, and would spread like wild fire. I don't think anyone knew what to do with me, I was absolutely flipping out at only a 2! The nurse kept asking me, though I told her in the beginning not to, if I wanted drugs. At this point, I had no focus, I was being thrown from one contraction into another with no time in between to gather my thoughts and the intensity of the contractions was so rough that I could barely breathe, let alone do the calming hypno-breathing to calm me down, so I agreed to get nebain in the IV they had set up for pitocin. I could only think that if it was tearing me up this badly at a two, I would never make it to a ten without help. I was so afraid of it taking me so long while using up all of my strength that I'd end up with a c-section. I just kept saying that there was no way I was going to get through this with being at only a 2 and that was the biggest fear of mine. If someone could have only told me that I was in transition, I would have been fine continuing on.
Instead, at this point, I felt like such a pansy! I was losing my mind while barely being dilated. I had no idea at the time, but this was actually transition, and I was not a 2, I was probably about an 8-9. I asked for the IV meds, declined the epi, and begged for them to hurry up already. It did extremely little once they finally got it for me. It made me very dizzy and drunk feeling, and for about five minutes it helped in between contractions. But since there was barely any time at all between contractions and it didn't touch the contractions themselves, it quickly just became something that made me dizzy.
It was around 2 AM that I got up needing to go to the bathroom terribly. I finished a contraction and practically ran to the bathroom, lugging my monitors with me. I got on the toilet and emptied everything, but still felt a lot of pressure. I could feel the baby's head, still high up but starting to come into the birth canal. I had two or three horrible contractions on the toilet, where I practiced breathing down the baby. I didn't push, but sort of beared down with breathing like the hynobirthing book talks about. As soon as I could, I jumped up and literally ran and jumped into bed as another contraction came to take me out at the knees. I laid back down and was going insane from the pain. For some reason, (actually, I know exactly the reason - I thought it someone stuck their hand up there to feel for dilation, it would be enough pain to actually kill me. I was doing everything I could to avoid that) I decided to not tell anyone that I could feel the head coming down. As I laid there, I started to get a bit more wild. I could feel my hips spreading apart, my pelvis feeling like it was shattering, my tailbone pushing back. This is around the time that they lost the baby's heartbeat on the monitor and kept trying to flip me back and forth, back and forth to find it. I was so damn annoyed at this because it hurt SO badly to go from side to side. I wasn't worried, I knew why they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat and that he was fine. (The other horrible part about going back and forth was that I was leaking so much fluid, it was filling the entire bed. I was literally soaked from my feet to my shoulders, and I told them to stop touching the bed dressings because I was just gushing gallons every time I had a contraction - which was constantly.
It was around this time (which was around 2:15-2:20) when the nurse couldn't find where to get the heart beat, that I had become loud and thrashing enough to draw the attention of two doctors. They came in and I heard the nurse say "I don't know, she's only a two! She was just checked an hour ago." They asked if they could check me, and I told them to stay out. They said they thought they could see my body bearing down, and told me DO NOT push, I wasn't dilated enough to be anywhere near that stage. I told them okay, but I wasn't pushing - my body was bearing down all on it's own. It wasn't even forcefully, I could just feel all the muscles doing exactly what they were supposed to do, and it felt really good for them to do that! I think I was trying to escape the nurse touching my belly to find the heartbeat at this point too. Finally one doctor said "I'm just going to check really quickly, okay?" At this point, the head was far enough down that I knew he would barely need to touch me, so I said okay. The look on his face was priceless! He said "Oh, that's the head!" as he took his hand out. Before he could finish the sentence, the baby's head rushed through the rest of my birth canal, crowned and popped out, then the rest of his body slid right out at 2:31 AM. I never had to intentionally push. The part of the hynobirthing that I thought was impossible - never pushing but letting your body naturally take over - was the part that ended up happening completely. I never pushed, never had to be coached, the baby was guided down with my muscles and my body would bear down only a few times.
Obviously because of this, we once again got no pictures of the baby coming out. From the time the doctor tried to check me to the time the baby's head was out was the span of maybe 10-15 seconds, and the body followed within a very few seconds of the head. The baby was literally placed on me before my mind even had time to realize the baby was completely out. I was 100% expecting a birth like Katie's, where I pushed for 3 hours and her head got stuck crowning for a half hour in a horrible ring of fire. This time, while I was able to start yelling that I was tearing and holy freaking ring of fire, the baby just wooshed right through it, not even slowing down at that part!
It was a good thing the doctors heard me, because the nurse had no idea what was going on and wasn't even looking at the end of the bed or trying to figure out why I kept telling her that I couldn't put one leg down when she repeatedly told me to (I had to keep my leg up to keep my pelvis open, as the baby's head was coming down. I guess it didn't occur to her that this could be happening.) Had they not been there, the baby would have just fallen into the bed.
Once he was in my arms, they had Bill cut the cord and gave him to me to skin to skin. They were trying to ask me questions about the baby, but I was in so much shock that I suddenly had a baby in my arms after 2 hours of active labor that I couldn't answer. It didn't even occur to me to check if he was a boy until a few minutes later when someone asked to make sure. The baby was staring at me and I was staring back saying "oh my gosh, you're here!" Someone said Robin had been alerted a bit ago of my insane thrashing about and that she should come check me, and she was on her way. I guess on the way in someone told her what happened, because she burst in the door saying "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Did I at least make it for the placenta delivery?" Which she did. She came over and checked the baby, muttering apologies, massaged my belly and told me to give one push - the only push I did the entire time. It easily came out all at once. I was still complaining of a lot of pain after, but they checked me and said I had no tearing or rips. The pain I was referring to was my tailbone, which ached but not in the same way it had with Katie. It feels like I bruised it pretty good, but it's not broken or fractured this time. What a great improvement, I didn't think there was any way I was going to get around that!
The delivery itself was quite wonderful, much better than Katie's, but I'd never wish a short labor on anyone again after this. I was in active labor for only 2 hours and it was such a horrible shock and unbearable pain, I'd much rather the labor be like last time with Katie, where it was 7 hours long and the pain gradually built up so I could learn how to deal with it and become accustomed to it, instead of just getting thrown in the deep end and being held down by riptides. Next time if I need to be induced, I won't be using the pill again. While it worked, it just worked too strongly for me. I now realize that my body just needs a little push to get started, and the foly bulb works great for that. It's gentle enough to start my body but let my body take control and do it on it's own. Medical induction, which I never wanted, was unnecessary. I learned quite a bit about my body during this labor, and hopefully it'll help next time.
I knew from Katie's delivery to deny the sleep meds because they make you so groggy. This time I learned that even when the pain is horrible, deny the nubaine too, because it doesn't touch the pain at all and just makes you feel dizzy and drunk.
After birth, I got to cuddle my baby for an hour or so before they started taking stats. Around 3:30 he was taken to get dressed and looked over. They said he was perfectly healthy and looked great. Our rainbow has finally arrived!
William Lee Keller Jr.
Born on 12.27.13
at 2:31 AM
8 lbs, 1.8oz
20.5 inches long
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Induction Day
I've been so busy, I haven't been able to update. We had a lovely last holiday celebration with baby still on the inside. We treated it like a big celebration for Katie, Christmas being the last day that she's an only child before turning into a Big Sister. She had a blast - she opened all of her gifts in vigor, all the pieces of ripped wrapping paper being thrown over her shoulder as she dug into the gifts. She loved uncovering them! Her seeing her "best friend" Molly sitting in her chair when she came down made her gasp and run over as fast as she could to give Molly a hug. Once she was finished with her gifts, she opened the baby's and even enjoyed those too. She's been playing up a store ever since!
After all the Christmas excitement started to wear down and the party was over, I started to get super jittery and nervous, and I'm still trying to tame them today. I took PM pills last night to ensure that I'd sleep, and today I'm trying to relax but there's suddenly a million last minute things I need to get done before 3. My stomach is in complete knots. I can't wait to meet our baby, but I'm so nervous about so many things. I'm praying hard for a short labor and for a healthy mommy and baby at the end, and if it wouldn't be too much...a quick delivery. (I know, that last one is a long shot!)
I have a million last minute things to do, but my stomach is hurting so much from the nerves that it's hard to get up and get things done. Every time I look at Katie and think of not getting to cuddle her goodnight tonight, I start to get upset. It's like she knows what's about to happen, because for the last few days if I leave the room for even a minute, she starts asking "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy where are you?" I just know that's going to be in my head while I'm gone from her.
I can't wait to have tonight over with. I just want it to be tomorrow already, where our new family of 4 is all in the same house and happy and ready to start our new adventure with our little baby.
After all the Christmas excitement started to wear down and the party was over, I started to get super jittery and nervous, and I'm still trying to tame them today. I took PM pills last night to ensure that I'd sleep, and today I'm trying to relax but there's suddenly a million last minute things I need to get done before 3. My stomach is in complete knots. I can't wait to meet our baby, but I'm so nervous about so many things. I'm praying hard for a short labor and for a healthy mommy and baby at the end, and if it wouldn't be too much...a quick delivery. (I know, that last one is a long shot!)
I have a million last minute things to do, but my stomach is hurting so much from the nerves that it's hard to get up and get things done. Every time I look at Katie and think of not getting to cuddle her goodnight tonight, I start to get upset. It's like she knows what's about to happen, because for the last few days if I leave the room for even a minute, she starts asking "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy where are you?" I just know that's going to be in my head while I'm gone from her.
I can't wait to have tonight over with. I just want it to be tomorrow already, where our new family of 4 is all in the same house and happy and ready to start our new adventure with our little baby.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Overdue: day 11
Here we are, the day before Christmas Eve, and I'm overdue: day 5 billion. Or at least that's sort of what it feels like! It's actually day 11, and oddly enough, I'm calming down about the whole thing. If he doesn't come today, which it seems very unlikely he will, then I'd rather him stay in for Christmas Eve and day. I hate to say that, as this little boy seems to enjoy doing the opposite of what I ask, but Christmas Eve night and Christmas day is what I've been looking forward to for months. If he wants to come Christmas night, I'm okay with that. The day after Christmas? Sure, might as well. But between tomorrow and the next day, I'd very much rather not be out of the house and separated from Katie.
Anyway, today was the second and last NST test. It showed that baby is still just fine in there, happily content but not happy to be woken. It also caught even less contractions than last time. That's right, not a single one! A week ago, I was having real contractions. Very painful, rough contractions. And now? They're all gone! I did have some on Saturday night that were timeable but not close enough together and not strong enough to get excited.
I'm also hoping that this pregnancy did not just give me a new terrible allergy. The other night, Bill made steaks and opened the bottle of wine that we had gotten to have for Christmas Eve (which now won't be happening, as baby is not here still!) Still, I decided that this wine, which is one of my favorites and I've had plenty of times, would pair amazingly with the steak. I had ONE SIP, just one, and ten minutes later my entire face, ears and down my throat was rashy and breaking out. My lips swelled. I never had an allergic reaction to anything like that! Especially to something I've had plenty of times before, the exact same company and the exact same kind. The only thing I can attribute it to is the pregnancy, that's the only thing that's different. If I'm suddenly allergic to red wine, I am going to be so very sad! I've been craving it like crazy this entire pregnancy. Back to the story though, I was luckily told by my midwife just last week that Tylenol PM is a combination of tylenol and benedryl, and since that's the closest thing I have to calming down allergies that I never have any other time, I quickly took two. Within a half hour, most of it was all gone. With Katie's pregnancy, I became quite allergic to wool, to the point where it was hard to breathe if I was around it and it gave me terrible headaches. I still have that allergy today, so I do hope this is unrelated! How terrible for my wine experience to be over when it's barely begun! What shall I drink with my Cracker Barrel cheese??
Today was a better day than some of the last few that I spent mostly crying because I'm just a giant hormonal mess lately. Today I spent 4 hours baking. FOUR HOURS straight of standing up, watching Kitchen Nightmares, rolling out and cutting shapes into sugar dough, then decorating them all with sprinkles and icing afterwards. Some of them came out very pretty, and I even made our family in ginger bread men figures to eat tomorrow on Christmas Eve (being nice, I even included one for baby - even though he refuses to be here for the event!) This is the conclusion to my cookie baking, as I spent a good three hours yesterday baking chocolate chip m&m cookies and chocolate peanut butter cookies in large batches. My midwife said last week that sometimes being on your feet just baking some cookies can help induce labor. Let me tell you, after seven hours of baking, it does NOT put me into labor! In fact, today has been one of the least contraction filled days yet. All it did was make me consume too many sugar goods and killed my feet. Plus the lovely large mess I made in the kitchen that's waiting for Bill to help tackle because the baking was a big enough job for me! At least this way, I contributed to the Christmas meal that's being put together by my inlaws. All I had before the cookies were a few packs of store bought rolls!
Well, it's a half hour until I start entering my 12th day overdue and one of the most anticipated days of my year. Stay put, little boy - I have big plans the next two days! (Why did this child just kick me like crazy while typing that? Fingers crossed he won't be terribly naughty for me!)
Anyway, today was the second and last NST test. It showed that baby is still just fine in there, happily content but not happy to be woken. It also caught even less contractions than last time. That's right, not a single one! A week ago, I was having real contractions. Very painful, rough contractions. And now? They're all gone! I did have some on Saturday night that were timeable but not close enough together and not strong enough to get excited.
I'm also hoping that this pregnancy did not just give me a new terrible allergy. The other night, Bill made steaks and opened the bottle of wine that we had gotten to have for Christmas Eve (which now won't be happening, as baby is not here still!) Still, I decided that this wine, which is one of my favorites and I've had plenty of times, would pair amazingly with the steak. I had ONE SIP, just one, and ten minutes later my entire face, ears and down my throat was rashy and breaking out. My lips swelled. I never had an allergic reaction to anything like that! Especially to something I've had plenty of times before, the exact same company and the exact same kind. The only thing I can attribute it to is the pregnancy, that's the only thing that's different. If I'm suddenly allergic to red wine, I am going to be so very sad! I've been craving it like crazy this entire pregnancy. Back to the story though, I was luckily told by my midwife just last week that Tylenol PM is a combination of tylenol and benedryl, and since that's the closest thing I have to calming down allergies that I never have any other time, I quickly took two. Within a half hour, most of it was all gone. With Katie's pregnancy, I became quite allergic to wool, to the point where it was hard to breathe if I was around it and it gave me terrible headaches. I still have that allergy today, so I do hope this is unrelated! How terrible for my wine experience to be over when it's barely begun! What shall I drink with my Cracker Barrel cheese??
Today was a better day than some of the last few that I spent mostly crying because I'm just a giant hormonal mess lately. Today I spent 4 hours baking. FOUR HOURS straight of standing up, watching Kitchen Nightmares, rolling out and cutting shapes into sugar dough, then decorating them all with sprinkles and icing afterwards. Some of them came out very pretty, and I even made our family in ginger bread men figures to eat tomorrow on Christmas Eve (being nice, I even included one for baby - even though he refuses to be here for the event!) This is the conclusion to my cookie baking, as I spent a good three hours yesterday baking chocolate chip m&m cookies and chocolate peanut butter cookies in large batches. My midwife said last week that sometimes being on your feet just baking some cookies can help induce labor. Let me tell you, after seven hours of baking, it does NOT put me into labor! In fact, today has been one of the least contraction filled days yet. All it did was make me consume too many sugar goods and killed my feet. Plus the lovely large mess I made in the kitchen that's waiting for Bill to help tackle because the baking was a big enough job for me! At least this way, I contributed to the Christmas meal that's being put together by my inlaws. All I had before the cookies were a few packs of store bought rolls!
Well, it's a half hour until I start entering my 12th day overdue and one of the most anticipated days of my year. Stay put, little boy - I have big plans the next two days! (Why did this child just kick me like crazy while typing that? Fingers crossed he won't be terribly naughty for me!)
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Overdue: Day 10
Ten days overdue. I never thought I'd see this day! It never was even a thought it my mind that I'd go this far. I was so sure that he'd be here long ago.
I woke up this morning feeling that today would be the perfect day to have a baby. It just feels so right for some reason that he should come today. But, I've felt that way before and the day passed with barely a contraction.
As it is, I do have contractions daily, and last night they were even timeable. But, they weren't anywhere near what I needed them to be. I was estimating them to last somewhere between 30-45 seconds and every ten minutes for about two hours. And like always, once I went to bed and fell asleep, the contractions stalled. This morning it seemed like I lost a large part of my plug, but I can't really be sure if it's my plug. It looks like it, but I don't want to get excited, especially when at this point, it doesn't matter much. A plug can be lost weeks before active labor begins, and I only have four days. Still, it would be nice to see something happening.
I've been up and down every induction list. I've tried everything, the only thing I haven't done is caster oil, because of the risks that go along with it.
For future reference, my list so far includes (but probably exceeds):
Going for many long stride walks every day
Going up and down stairs, both forwards and sideways
Doing squats
Doing lunges
Taking warm baths
Relaxing all abdominal muscles
visualization
Fresh pineapple
Nesting like crazy
Sex
Taking EPO
Drinking red raspberry leaf tea
Accupressure
Spicy Food
Muscle massages (I admit, this one is my favorite!)
Taking Tylenol PM to ensure a good night's rest
Nothing seems to inspire this child though. I really hope he doesn't hold out for Christmas Eve or Day, as those are the only days I don't want to have him. I really don't want to be separated from Katie on those days, and I've been looking forward to them for so long. We also have family coming over, so going into labor during that time would be less than ideal! So please baby, come today. I guess tomorrow would be acceptable too. But if you refuse those days, then get yourself cozy for a womb holiday, or at least until Christmas night!
I woke up this morning feeling that today would be the perfect day to have a baby. It just feels so right for some reason that he should come today. But, I've felt that way before and the day passed with barely a contraction.
As it is, I do have contractions daily, and last night they were even timeable. But, they weren't anywhere near what I needed them to be. I was estimating them to last somewhere between 30-45 seconds and every ten minutes for about two hours. And like always, once I went to bed and fell asleep, the contractions stalled. This morning it seemed like I lost a large part of my plug, but I can't really be sure if it's my plug. It looks like it, but I don't want to get excited, especially when at this point, it doesn't matter much. A plug can be lost weeks before active labor begins, and I only have four days. Still, it would be nice to see something happening.
I've been up and down every induction list. I've tried everything, the only thing I haven't done is caster oil, because of the risks that go along with it.
For future reference, my list so far includes (but probably exceeds):
Going for many long stride walks every day
Going up and down stairs, both forwards and sideways
Doing squats
Doing lunges
Taking warm baths
Relaxing all abdominal muscles
visualization
Fresh pineapple
Nesting like crazy
Sex
Taking EPO
Drinking red raspberry leaf tea
Accupressure
Spicy Food
Muscle massages (I admit, this one is my favorite!)
Taking Tylenol PM to ensure a good night's rest
Nothing seems to inspire this child though. I really hope he doesn't hold out for Christmas Eve or Day, as those are the only days I don't want to have him. I really don't want to be separated from Katie on those days, and I've been looking forward to them for so long. We also have family coming over, so going into labor during that time would be less than ideal! So please baby, come today. I guess tomorrow would be acceptable too. But if you refuse those days, then get yourself cozy for a womb holiday, or at least until Christmas night!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Dear Baby (Overdue, day 9)
My dear little Will,
I realize now that I was wrong. I thought I was expecting a little spitfire Sagittarius. I was belting down and, admittedly, a little nervous preparing for my wild, hotheaded sign as I'm used to dealing with water, the polar opposite, and air. Obviously, I shouldn't have imposed that upon you. I understand now that you are actually a stubborn little Capricorn. I see that you're a patient, practical child who is in absolutely no rush. While I was preparing for how I was going to deal with my sweet little Water sign toddler to blend well with a little fireball, I should have known that you'd be grounded and earthy.
Well, you made your point. You're a Capricorn and I misjudged you. But take a look at the calendar, my child! It's Capricorn season, and that means you can make your way out at any time now! There's no point in continuing to hold onto my uteran walls and pretend like you don't know which way is out. We've safely arrived into your birth sign. Please take note of the big glaring exit signs and make your way towards them immediately (look south, if you need a clue! And please stop pushing on my belly button like it's a door knob - it's not!)
I so want you to not miss this amazing Christmas season. Once you're on the outside, I promise you'll understand! Mommy will make this season the most magical, amazing time of year every year and you will love it. Don't miss out on your first one and have to wait a whole year to experience it! I have your stocking all hung up and filled with little goodies that you'll appreciate one day. I have the most adorable Christmas outfits for you to wear and Mommy really does not want to have to pack them up and possibly never have a chance to use these Christmas newborn outfits.
Please do me a favor, my little one. I have given you the best of care for 10 months. I have loved you and fought for you the whole way through. I've given in to all of the cravings, gained 50 lbs, added more permanent scars, spent many weeks violently throwing up, got stabbed with stinging needles and drank horrible drinks all for you. In return, could I please have my little healthy, adorable little boy here for my favorite holiday? It would be the very best present of all! I promise, you'll be just as happy out here as you are in there, and you'll be showered with love and devotion all around. You may be in the perfect environment now, but truly, you'll love the life that's awaiting for you out here.
Please consider my plea! I am so eagerly looking forward to meeting you face to face.
With all the love in my every heartbeat that you hear,
Mommy
I realize now that I was wrong. I thought I was expecting a little spitfire Sagittarius. I was belting down and, admittedly, a little nervous preparing for my wild, hotheaded sign as I'm used to dealing with water, the polar opposite, and air. Obviously, I shouldn't have imposed that upon you. I understand now that you are actually a stubborn little Capricorn. I see that you're a patient, practical child who is in absolutely no rush. While I was preparing for how I was going to deal with my sweet little Water sign toddler to blend well with a little fireball, I should have known that you'd be grounded and earthy.
Well, you made your point. You're a Capricorn and I misjudged you. But take a look at the calendar, my child! It's Capricorn season, and that means you can make your way out at any time now! There's no point in continuing to hold onto my uteran walls and pretend like you don't know which way is out. We've safely arrived into your birth sign. Please take note of the big glaring exit signs and make your way towards them immediately (look south, if you need a clue! And please stop pushing on my belly button like it's a door knob - it's not!)
I so want you to not miss this amazing Christmas season. Once you're on the outside, I promise you'll understand! Mommy will make this season the most magical, amazing time of year every year and you will love it. Don't miss out on your first one and have to wait a whole year to experience it! I have your stocking all hung up and filled with little goodies that you'll appreciate one day. I have the most adorable Christmas outfits for you to wear and Mommy really does not want to have to pack them up and possibly never have a chance to use these Christmas newborn outfits.
Please do me a favor, my little one. I have given you the best of care for 10 months. I have loved you and fought for you the whole way through. I've given in to all of the cravings, gained 50 lbs, added more permanent scars, spent many weeks violently throwing up, got stabbed with stinging needles and drank horrible drinks all for you. In return, could I please have my little healthy, adorable little boy here for my favorite holiday? It would be the very best present of all! I promise, you'll be just as happy out here as you are in there, and you'll be showered with love and devotion all around. You may be in the perfect environment now, but truly, you'll love the life that's awaiting for you out here.
Please consider my plea! I am so eagerly looking forward to meeting you face to face.
With all the love in my every heartbeat that you hear,
Mommy
Friday, December 20, 2013
Overdue: Day 8
After a few good days of just relaxing and enjoying my last few days as a laid back, not needing to do much mommy, I'm feeling pretty darn upset today. I can't escape babies - pictures of cuddly newborn chubs are all over my facebook, all of my websites are baby related, and I have this little giant kicking and squirming all over my organs every moment. I can't sleep at night without taking Tylenol PM and I'm just exhausted. I want my baby here.
Before I could calm myself when people would say that at least baby will be here in a few days and to just enjoy the rest of pregnancy...but that's something that's acceptable to say to a 39 weeker. Maybe a 40 weeker. Saying it to a 41 weeker leaves you open to getting something thrown at your head. I'm over enjoying the rest of pregnancy. I don't take things for granted - I've enjoyed this pregnancy to the fullest. It's been full of fun pictures, painted bellies, cute outfits, and following developments every day. I've enjoyed the kicks, I've stayed sane through the sickness, I've loved my growing belly even with the new stretch marks appearing. I've enjoyed this rainbow pregnancy. I've felt blessed every day of it. But now I'm ready to be done. I feel like I've been pregnant since last October, and making this pregnancy continue even longer just feels a bit like torture. I'm ready for my baby. After a year and two months of two pregnancies, I'm ready to finally hold my baby.
My hormones are going crazy. While I managed to bottle them up for the last week, they're getting to wild to hold down. Having tried all the induction methods already multiple times, not being able to even think I'm being proactive to get this baby out makes it harder.
This weekend is going to be filled with baking cookies, finishing decorating, and praying this baby comes before Christmas. I've sent every mental signal to my body trying to encourage it to kick into active labor now, and somehow it's still telling me that it's just not receiving the message. I do hope it gets it soon.
Before I could calm myself when people would say that at least baby will be here in a few days and to just enjoy the rest of pregnancy...but that's something that's acceptable to say to a 39 weeker. Maybe a 40 weeker. Saying it to a 41 weeker leaves you open to getting something thrown at your head. I'm over enjoying the rest of pregnancy. I don't take things for granted - I've enjoyed this pregnancy to the fullest. It's been full of fun pictures, painted bellies, cute outfits, and following developments every day. I've enjoyed the kicks, I've stayed sane through the sickness, I've loved my growing belly even with the new stretch marks appearing. I've enjoyed this rainbow pregnancy. I've felt blessed every day of it. But now I'm ready to be done. I feel like I've been pregnant since last October, and making this pregnancy continue even longer just feels a bit like torture. I'm ready for my baby. After a year and two months of two pregnancies, I'm ready to finally hold my baby.
My hormones are going crazy. While I managed to bottle them up for the last week, they're getting to wild to hold down. Having tried all the induction methods already multiple times, not being able to even think I'm being proactive to get this baby out makes it harder.
This weekend is going to be filled with baking cookies, finishing decorating, and praying this baby comes before Christmas. I've sent every mental signal to my body trying to encourage it to kick into active labor now, and somehow it's still telling me that it's just not receiving the message. I do hope it gets it soon.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
41 Weeks (7 days overdue!)
Happy (?) 41 Weeks to me and Baby today.
We woke up early and headed to the doctor's office to get my post date testing done. The first test was the NST (nonstress test), where they hooked me up to monitors and had me sit back for about an hour to watch baby's heartrate and contractions. This was anything but not stressful for me, as I couldn't stop staring at the heartrate, which bounced all over the place from 112 to 167. For the first 15 minutes, he refused to wake up, so they were only seeing him as 112-125. I got a large cup of ice water to chug, which really got him angry. Within about five minutes, he was trying to beat the monitors off my belly (direct kicks right to the monitors!) and kicking me hard in the ribs. That's when his heartrate kept surging up to the 160's. When they reviewed the paper scans, they said everything looked great, but only one contraction happened the entire time, which isn't exactly as promising as I was hoping.
From there, I went right into the ultrasound room. After waiting over a half hour in there and the same nurse (Melinda?) that I've seen since my very first check up back when I had medical problems, told me she really wanted to tell me congratulations again on my little miracle. The ultrasound itself was pretty short, and the doctor kept saying that I definitely had a lot of fluid in there - not surprising, as I had waterfalls of fluid last time with Katie, to the point where none of the nurses knew what to do with me. Looks like that's going to be how my pregnancies go. It's good that there's plenty of fluid there though, as it means I don't need an early induction and baby can continue being happy and comfortable in there without any danger. He looked over my placenta too and that seemed fine as well. My AFL (amniotic fluid level) is a 24, which apparently only about 1% of women have. The normal range is between 12-18, which drops down to about 14 after 35 weeks. So 24 at 41 weeks is quite a lot!
After the ultrasound was done (which also showed our little boy being head's down), Bill asked if the doctor could guess how big the baby is. He said doing it by ultrasound at this stage is basically useless as it can be so far off (which I know, it's quite common for it to be off as much as two pounds in either direction, so there's not much point in an estimate.) He did decide to feel around my belly though. He asked about how big Katie was and then asked if I thought this baby was bigger than her. I said yes, he sure feels bigger, but after feeling around he told me he thinks this baby is a little bit smaller, and I'm probably feeling the fluid. While I'd love for him to be right (as it's a bit nerve wracking to go two weeks over when my first baby at 40 weeks was almost 8 lbs), I'm not sure if he is. I don't think he realizes that Katie also had just as much fluid as I have this time, so when this baby feels bigger, I'm still going off of the same amount of fluid levels, since that's all I've known.
The two appointments took so long that we barely had time to get home to eat before Bill had to go to work, so we stopped off at Arby's. I was dying for a big milkshake, so Bill tried to order me a large chocolate chip swirl one. When they said there was only one size, he said something along the lines of "oh, that's fine. I was just trying to get my wife a big milkshake as she's been craving it like crazy and is 41 weeks pregnant." As soon as the woman heard that I was 41 weeks pregnant, she said nevermind, she was going to hook me up. When we pulled up to the window, she used a large soda cup to fill with my milkshake and she didn't charge us anything for the upgrade. While they got our food together, she stood there and chatted with us about her funny stories about childbirth and how she firmly believes that a woman about to go into labor should get anything she wants. I liked her! Though in the end, it was actually a lot of milkshake and I couldn't quite finish it!
So now today I'm just having a lazy day. I'm sleepy, and my only goals today are to make an easy, quick blueberry pie for Bill's work party tomorrow and to straighten up the downstairs. I'd also like to wash my fuzzy pj bottoms because I'm in my last clean ones and my labor clothes are now dirty. But, that does include going all the way upstairs and then all the way to the basement to get them in, so they may have to wait until Bill gets home to happen.
Seven days overdue...I'm really not sure if this kid is going to come out on his own! He seems too happily snug in there.
Also, turning 41 weeks is not nearly as fun as turning any other week in pregnancy. Instead of the email I look forward to seeing each week about what baby and I are doing, this week the email was "Your 1 Week Old Baby." Wow, if I wasn't already feeling left behind and aching to hold my little baby, that sure did it! My adorable ticker on Facebook that usually counts the weeks with me no longer pops up. When I went into it, it said "Your pregnancy is complete, do you want to sign up again?" No...because I AM still pregnant, I haven't completed this pregnancy yet! So there's no fun 41 week memos. The only thing that acknowledges that I'm 41 weeks are my blog tickers, and even they say that the baby should be here by now. At least when I hit 42 weeks, I'll be too busy getting ready for the hospital to be checking these kinds of things.
We woke up early and headed to the doctor's office to get my post date testing done. The first test was the NST (nonstress test), where they hooked me up to monitors and had me sit back for about an hour to watch baby's heartrate and contractions. This was anything but not stressful for me, as I couldn't stop staring at the heartrate, which bounced all over the place from 112 to 167. For the first 15 minutes, he refused to wake up, so they were only seeing him as 112-125. I got a large cup of ice water to chug, which really got him angry. Within about five minutes, he was trying to beat the monitors off my belly (direct kicks right to the monitors!) and kicking me hard in the ribs. That's when his heartrate kept surging up to the 160's. When they reviewed the paper scans, they said everything looked great, but only one contraction happened the entire time, which isn't exactly as promising as I was hoping.
From there, I went right into the ultrasound room. After waiting over a half hour in there and the same nurse (Melinda?) that I've seen since my very first check up back when I had medical problems, told me she really wanted to tell me congratulations again on my little miracle. The ultrasound itself was pretty short, and the doctor kept saying that I definitely had a lot of fluid in there - not surprising, as I had waterfalls of fluid last time with Katie, to the point where none of the nurses knew what to do with me. Looks like that's going to be how my pregnancies go. It's good that there's plenty of fluid there though, as it means I don't need an early induction and baby can continue being happy and comfortable in there without any danger. He looked over my placenta too and that seemed fine as well. My AFL (amniotic fluid level) is a 24, which apparently only about 1% of women have. The normal range is between 12-18, which drops down to about 14 after 35 weeks. So 24 at 41 weeks is quite a lot!
After the ultrasound was done (which also showed our little boy being head's down), Bill asked if the doctor could guess how big the baby is. He said doing it by ultrasound at this stage is basically useless as it can be so far off (which I know, it's quite common for it to be off as much as two pounds in either direction, so there's not much point in an estimate.) He did decide to feel around my belly though. He asked about how big Katie was and then asked if I thought this baby was bigger than her. I said yes, he sure feels bigger, but after feeling around he told me he thinks this baby is a little bit smaller, and I'm probably feeling the fluid. While I'd love for him to be right (as it's a bit nerve wracking to go two weeks over when my first baby at 40 weeks was almost 8 lbs), I'm not sure if he is. I don't think he realizes that Katie also had just as much fluid as I have this time, so when this baby feels bigger, I'm still going off of the same amount of fluid levels, since that's all I've known.
The two appointments took so long that we barely had time to get home to eat before Bill had to go to work, so we stopped off at Arby's. I was dying for a big milkshake, so Bill tried to order me a large chocolate chip swirl one. When they said there was only one size, he said something along the lines of "oh, that's fine. I was just trying to get my wife a big milkshake as she's been craving it like crazy and is 41 weeks pregnant." As soon as the woman heard that I was 41 weeks pregnant, she said nevermind, she was going to hook me up. When we pulled up to the window, she used a large soda cup to fill with my milkshake and she didn't charge us anything for the upgrade. While they got our food together, she stood there and chatted with us about her funny stories about childbirth and how she firmly believes that a woman about to go into labor should get anything she wants. I liked her! Though in the end, it was actually a lot of milkshake and I couldn't quite finish it!
So now today I'm just having a lazy day. I'm sleepy, and my only goals today are to make an easy, quick blueberry pie for Bill's work party tomorrow and to straighten up the downstairs. I'd also like to wash my fuzzy pj bottoms because I'm in my last clean ones and my labor clothes are now dirty. But, that does include going all the way upstairs and then all the way to the basement to get them in, so they may have to wait until Bill gets home to happen.
Seven days overdue...I'm really not sure if this kid is going to come out on his own! He seems too happily snug in there.
Also, turning 41 weeks is not nearly as fun as turning any other week in pregnancy. Instead of the email I look forward to seeing each week about what baby and I are doing, this week the email was "Your 1 Week Old Baby." Wow, if I wasn't already feeling left behind and aching to hold my little baby, that sure did it! My adorable ticker on Facebook that usually counts the weeks with me no longer pops up. When I went into it, it said "Your pregnancy is complete, do you want to sign up again?" No...because I AM still pregnant, I haven't completed this pregnancy yet! So there's no fun 41 week memos. The only thing that acknowledges that I'm 41 weeks are my blog tickers, and even they say that the baby should be here by now. At least when I hit 42 weeks, I'll be too busy getting ready for the hospital to be checking these kinds of things.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Overdue - Day 6
Yesterday Bill had a snow day, so when he came back home from work, we decided to follow the midwife's suggestion. We went to the store so I could walk long open strides for hours. I also added some squatting and lunges in there as well. By the time we left, we were $50 poorer and I was very sore. Once we got home, Bill gave me a long back and leg massage to help relax my muscles. When we went to bed, I took some Tylenol PM to help me sleep. All the things the midwife said may help push me into labor were done...but I'm still very pregnant this morning. All it did was give me a bit of a better sleep (I think I got about 5 hours) and a very vivid dream about giving birth to a beautiful, healthy, chunky little boy. It was so realistic that I felt confused when I woke up and a bit disappointed that once again, I didn't have my baby here yet. I lost some of my plug yesterday morning and thought that maybe it was a start to me seeing more, but that also seems like it's unlikely now.
I'm starting to feel calm about still being pregnant. If everyone could stop asking me about why the baby isn't here yet, I think it would be pretty easy to shrug off at this point. I'm trying to accept that he'll come when we induce, so I can relax for the next 7 days and just enjoy Christmas. I sort of had a peace come over me about it, and I'm not so frustrated anymore. I still hate the pain and the SPD, but it's been long enough where it's starting to just feel like a normal part of life. It's been three weeks of not sleeping and not feeling well and waddling like crazy.
Tomorrow I'll be 41 weeks, and I'll be kick starting it by going to the doctor's for some long tests. I need the nonstress test (which should be fun with a toddler running around!) and an hour after that, I have my amnio fluid test, which is by ultrasound. So hopefully one way or the other, I get to see baby again. I'd much rather see the real version than the ultrasound version, but I guess that'll happen soon enough.
Next week will be the busy week. Monday will be another NST, Tuesday will be Christmas Eve and my last appointment at the birth center to discuss the induction more at length, Wednesday will be Christmas and Thursday is the big induction day. It sounds like a lot of exhausting running around, so might as well enjoy my last few carefree, planless days now.
I'm starting to feel calm about still being pregnant. If everyone could stop asking me about why the baby isn't here yet, I think it would be pretty easy to shrug off at this point. I'm trying to accept that he'll come when we induce, so I can relax for the next 7 days and just enjoy Christmas. I sort of had a peace come over me about it, and I'm not so frustrated anymore. I still hate the pain and the SPD, but it's been long enough where it's starting to just feel like a normal part of life. It's been three weeks of not sleeping and not feeling well and waddling like crazy.
Tomorrow I'll be 41 weeks, and I'll be kick starting it by going to the doctor's for some long tests. I need the nonstress test (which should be fun with a toddler running around!) and an hour after that, I have my amnio fluid test, which is by ultrasound. So hopefully one way or the other, I get to see baby again. I'd much rather see the real version than the ultrasound version, but I guess that'll happen soon enough.
Next week will be the busy week. Monday will be another NST, Tuesday will be Christmas Eve and my last appointment at the birth center to discuss the induction more at length, Wednesday will be Christmas and Thursday is the big induction day. It sounds like a lot of exhausting running around, so might as well enjoy my last few carefree, planless days now.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Overdue -Day 5
I'm trying something different today and hoping it works.
I'm trying to be positive about what's going on. Positive about the induction in 9 days that's rapidly becoming a big possibility, and positive about not having the baby here for the holidays. I'm trying to find good in him staying in there a bit longer, instead of it causing me to be insanely hormonal and distressed.
I hate feeling like my body is broken, like it can build a baby but can't get the baby out for some reason. It didn't work with Katie, and it seems like it may not be working again. I'm trying to get these thoughts out of my head though. I've done the important work, it doesn't matter as much how the baby gets here now.
It feels better though, not expecting to burst into labor at any moment. It's less disappointing. For the first time in two weeks, I didn't wake up and immediately check for water breakage or contractions. I just woke up and thought the snow looked really beautiful today, and how nice it would be to have a white Christmas for once. I didn't focus on losing my ideal birth yet again, but focused on what more I can get ready today for the baby. I focused on how I still felt tired, but don't need to worry about going into labor and being exhausted because I probably am not going to be today. It's a bit easier to focus on other things, even though it's difficult. I was due before the middle of December, and women in my due date group that were even due in January are already having their babies. I feel like I've been left behind, like I lost my chance...but I'm trying to change that.
So today I'm working on accepting that I'll probably be induced in nine days, I'll probably be in the hospital again, and things won't be quite how I wanted them to be. Either that means that when I go in for my induction, I'll be calm and accepting, or it means I'll be overjoyed if I happen to not make it there. Right now, I'm thinking the induction may make things easier. It's at 5 PM, which means we'll have plenty of time that day to get ready, pack the car, drop Katie off, and get to the hospital. No super early 3 AM wake ups and trying to move Katie and having to leave her while she's asleep, no barely awake zombies trying to shower and get to the hospital. It may be an ideal plan all in itself.
I should probably go take my 40 week picture that I've avoided taken, as my 41 week picture is going to be needed in two days. After an entire pregnancy, it's probably best to not suddenly drop the ball now - might as well finish the project.
I'm trying to be positive about what's going on. Positive about the induction in 9 days that's rapidly becoming a big possibility, and positive about not having the baby here for the holidays. I'm trying to find good in him staying in there a bit longer, instead of it causing me to be insanely hormonal and distressed.
I hate feeling like my body is broken, like it can build a baby but can't get the baby out for some reason. It didn't work with Katie, and it seems like it may not be working again. I'm trying to get these thoughts out of my head though. I've done the important work, it doesn't matter as much how the baby gets here now.
It feels better though, not expecting to burst into labor at any moment. It's less disappointing. For the first time in two weeks, I didn't wake up and immediately check for water breakage or contractions. I just woke up and thought the snow looked really beautiful today, and how nice it would be to have a white Christmas for once. I didn't focus on losing my ideal birth yet again, but focused on what more I can get ready today for the baby. I focused on how I still felt tired, but don't need to worry about going into labor and being exhausted because I probably am not going to be today. It's a bit easier to focus on other things, even though it's difficult. I was due before the middle of December, and women in my due date group that were even due in January are already having their babies. I feel like I've been left behind, like I lost my chance...but I'm trying to change that.
So today I'm working on accepting that I'll probably be induced in nine days, I'll probably be in the hospital again, and things won't be quite how I wanted them to be. Either that means that when I go in for my induction, I'll be calm and accepting, or it means I'll be overjoyed if I happen to not make it there. Right now, I'm thinking the induction may make things easier. It's at 5 PM, which means we'll have plenty of time that day to get ready, pack the car, drop Katie off, and get to the hospital. No super early 3 AM wake ups and trying to move Katie and having to leave her while she's asleep, no barely awake zombies trying to shower and get to the hospital. It may be an ideal plan all in itself.
I should probably go take my 40 week picture that I've avoided taken, as my 41 week picture is going to be needed in two days. After an entire pregnancy, it's probably best to not suddenly drop the ball now - might as well finish the project.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Overdue: Day 4
Found out today that all of this painful hell that's been going on for two weeks now has been for nothing. I'm at 1 cm dilated, not effaced, and I'm just very soft. I was so hoping I'd be at least a 3 or so, or at least effaced...or some hope that this baby is coming soon. Instead I was left with nothing. Being at a one is nothing!
Despite breaking down and crying in the car afterwards, I've been trying to let go of being upset and not worry about it. But it's really hard not to. It actually doesn't have to do with the baby at all, or the pain. I so want the baby here before Christmas for other reasons, but every time I think about it, I cry.
Last year our whole Christmas was about how it was Katie's last Christmas as an only child. At that time, we were pregnant with Elizabeth. I was so excited, I kept saying that we had to do it big, this was her last year as an only child. When we lost Elizabeth, that was one of those things that really stung so hard. I really had a hard time adjusting to having told Katie that it was her last year. Everything was based on it being her last year as the only child. Our Christmas cards, our decorations, our momentos from last year all talk about it. Then when we got pregnant again with Will, I thought that it was balm to heal that one sting. At least he was due in plenty of time before Christmas, at least that one thing would still be right. It wouldn't be the same, but it was so much better than facing another year as her being our only. It felt SO right to have this baby before Christmas. It really helped me get over some of my pain. And now it's starting to look like this baby won't be here for Christmas again, and the sting is back. Both because it reminds me that Elizabeth should be about six months old by now and how big that hole in my heart is, and because this rainbow was supposed to be in my arms to make this Christmas be our best Christmas ever and now probably won't be. It was a big reason why I bought Will so many gifts and called him my Christmas miracle.
I don't mind not getting my perfect birth. I'm fine giving up the water birth, giving up the birth center birth...I just wanted my baby here before Christmas. Now it seems like I'm going to lose all of those things anyway and still not get my Christmas baby.
Despite breaking down and crying in the car afterwards, I've been trying to let go of being upset and not worry about it. But it's really hard not to. It actually doesn't have to do with the baby at all, or the pain. I so want the baby here before Christmas for other reasons, but every time I think about it, I cry.
Last year our whole Christmas was about how it was Katie's last Christmas as an only child. At that time, we were pregnant with Elizabeth. I was so excited, I kept saying that we had to do it big, this was her last year as an only child. When we lost Elizabeth, that was one of those things that really stung so hard. I really had a hard time adjusting to having told Katie that it was her last year. Everything was based on it being her last year as the only child. Our Christmas cards, our decorations, our momentos from last year all talk about it. Then when we got pregnant again with Will, I thought that it was balm to heal that one sting. At least he was due in plenty of time before Christmas, at least that one thing would still be right. It wouldn't be the same, but it was so much better than facing another year as her being our only. It felt SO right to have this baby before Christmas. It really helped me get over some of my pain. And now it's starting to look like this baby won't be here for Christmas again, and the sting is back. Both because it reminds me that Elizabeth should be about six months old by now and how big that hole in my heart is, and because this rainbow was supposed to be in my arms to make this Christmas be our best Christmas ever and now probably won't be. It was a big reason why I bought Will so many gifts and called him my Christmas miracle.
I don't mind not getting my perfect birth. I'm fine giving up the water birth, giving up the birth center birth...I just wanted my baby here before Christmas. Now it seems like I'm going to lose all of those things anyway and still not get my Christmas baby.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Overdue - day 3
Feeling very frustrated and trying to not stress. This is the most pregnant I've ever been, and I'm not enjoying it. I had Katie the morning of my second day late, but I already had my water broken for days so I knew that it was going to happen so soon. This time there's nothing. I have contractions that aren't consistent and the ones that are aren't painful yet enough for me to remember to time. I have lots of cervical pain and pressure, but no bloody shows that normally accompany lots of dilation.
I was really hoping to go in to the birth center today, just to see where I'm at. I'd love to have the baby before Bill has to return to work tomorrow, but so far it just isn't feeling like it. I was 100% going to call the midwife last night, out of pain and frustration, and kept saying I'd call her by noon today. But now that I'm awake, I don't feel as much pain and I just feel stupid for trying to get checked. I feel stupid for having so many contractions that go no where, for having such a hard time getting around...because it's not leading anywhere. I've been fighting that feeling like I'm broken - I can start up early labor but my body can't make active labor start on it's own.
I so just want to be out of this period of time where it's just frustration and waiting and everyone asking "did it happen yet?" No, it didn't happen yet. I'm tired of being in pain, of tossing and turning all night, of being worried every time Bill leaves for work. I keep telling him "I think it's going to be tomorrow, with all the hell I've been through today, it should be tomorrow." Too many tomorrows have already passed and I'm just tired of guessing. I'm trying to remind myself that baby's real due date isn't until today, so he's not late at all, but it's hard to listen to that. I just want to be done. I want to be one of those people who get to cuddle their little baby and take pictures of their exciting new addition and look forward to Christmas as a new family. I don't want to be so grumpy and frustrated anymore. I've enjoyed every moment I could of these last days, and now it's just enough.
I'm tired of worrying about labor. I just want it over with!
I was really hoping to go in to the birth center today, just to see where I'm at. I'd love to have the baby before Bill has to return to work tomorrow, but so far it just isn't feeling like it. I was 100% going to call the midwife last night, out of pain and frustration, and kept saying I'd call her by noon today. But now that I'm awake, I don't feel as much pain and I just feel stupid for trying to get checked. I feel stupid for having so many contractions that go no where, for having such a hard time getting around...because it's not leading anywhere. I've been fighting that feeling like I'm broken - I can start up early labor but my body can't make active labor start on it's own.
I so just want to be out of this period of time where it's just frustration and waiting and everyone asking "did it happen yet?" No, it didn't happen yet. I'm tired of being in pain, of tossing and turning all night, of being worried every time Bill leaves for work. I keep telling him "I think it's going to be tomorrow, with all the hell I've been through today, it should be tomorrow." Too many tomorrows have already passed and I'm just tired of guessing. I'm trying to remind myself that baby's real due date isn't until today, so he's not late at all, but it's hard to listen to that. I just want to be done. I want to be one of those people who get to cuddle their little baby and take pictures of their exciting new addition and look forward to Christmas as a new family. I don't want to be so grumpy and frustrated anymore. I've enjoyed every moment I could of these last days, and now it's just enough.
I'm tired of worrying about labor. I just want it over with!
Friday, December 13, 2013
Overdue: Day 1
Last night, I felt like it was going to be the time. It hurt so badly that I started saying I was scared, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this anymore, and baby should just stay put. I went to bed early and made sure Bill did too, in case we'd be getting up soon to head to the birth center.
And then they finally, after over two hours of near tears pain, went away. Yep, this early labor stuff is torture! It continues to get worse each day, and it'll climb in pain until I'm sure I'm about to burst into active labor. Then right before it crosses that line, it finally stops. I have tried so much to push it over that edge, but nothing has been working.
At the very least, I'm finally able to experience nesting this time. I did not have any nesting with Katie, but this time I'm on my feet, zooming around cleaning every day. I spent three hours running around this morning when I woke up cleaning, folding, throwing things away, squatting to pick things up, etc. I've been slowly picking up downstairs too. I have the huge need to get everything ready for baby. With this raging in me for a few days, I thought so much activity might help get the baby here, but he sure is staying put!
I'm thinking this is just one stubborn baby. It really seems like my body is doing it's part to get this show on the road. I get very heavy, harsh contractions that take my breath away. My cervix has been opening and causing huge pains. So where is this baby at?
There's a nice, giant snow storm on it's way this weekend. I'm pretty sure this child is snuggling in and waiting until it hits!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Welcome, Due Date!
Happy due date, baby! The day I've been waiting for since April 6th is finally here!
And...nothing is happening. Okay, that's not true. I've been contracting all day, but not even close to active labor pains. This morning I woke up feeling like I was dying, so I crossed my fingers and went with it...but while I'm still in a lot of pain, I'm still not in active labor. Early labor just sucks.
I'm hoping that this baby comes soon, but I'm praying he aims for before or after the snow storm and not during!
And...nothing is happening. Okay, that's not true. I've been contracting all day, but not even close to active labor pains. This morning I woke up feeling like I was dying, so I crossed my fingers and went with it...but while I'm still in a lot of pain, I'm still not in active labor. Early labor just sucks.
I'm hoping that this baby comes soon, but I'm praying he aims for before or after the snow storm and not during!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Due Date's Eve
Here I am, on the eve of my due date! I can't believe it's finally here - I've been saying how much I'm looking forward to 12.12 for so long, and we're only a few hours away. While it doesn't mean baby, it means that it's baby time. At any moment, this could happen!
I've been hoping today might be helping to build up to labor. I had a good night's sleep last night and a bundle of energy today. I've been tackling cleaning the entire house. I've been walking and climbing stairs constantly. I've been bouncing on the ball whenever I do sit down. I'm awake and alert and my cervix freaking hurts. Come on labor, I"m ready for you.
The tiny snow storm that only lasted about two hours yesterday cancelled my 40 week appointment, and today they told me they're completely booked and to just wait until the next one. That's a full week away! Instead of getting checked out to see if I'm progressing, I get nothing at all, not even them saying what position baby is in or if he's engaged. I also didn't get to schedule a membrane sweep for next week. Since they're not helping me out, I'm just hoping things happen on their own and I don't need the next appointment. I'm really hoping to see them soon.
I'm doing my best to stay occupied with the last minute details I need to get done in case I go in the next few days. I need laundry done, most of the rooms cleaned, the porch decorated for Christmas, Katie needs a bath, I need to come up with a menu plan for when Bill starts cooking, I want to pick up doggie candy canes for the doggie Christmas stockings, etc. I'm working on the cleaning portion now and it's definitely helping my mental state and giving me more of an energy boost.
Come on baby Will, the sooner the better now!
I've been hoping today might be helping to build up to labor. I had a good night's sleep last night and a bundle of energy today. I've been tackling cleaning the entire house. I've been walking and climbing stairs constantly. I've been bouncing on the ball whenever I do sit down. I'm awake and alert and my cervix freaking hurts. Come on labor, I"m ready for you.
The tiny snow storm that only lasted about two hours yesterday cancelled my 40 week appointment, and today they told me they're completely booked and to just wait until the next one. That's a full week away! Instead of getting checked out to see if I'm progressing, I get nothing at all, not even them saying what position baby is in or if he's engaged. I also didn't get to schedule a membrane sweep for next week. Since they're not helping me out, I'm just hoping things happen on their own and I don't need the next appointment. I'm really hoping to see them soon.
I'm doing my best to stay occupied with the last minute details I need to get done in case I go in the next few days. I need laundry done, most of the rooms cleaned, the porch decorated for Christmas, Katie needs a bath, I need to come up with a menu plan for when Bill starts cooking, I want to pick up doggie candy canes for the doggie Christmas stockings, etc. I'm working on the cleaning portion now and it's definitely helping my mental state and giving me more of an energy boost.
Come on baby Will, the sooner the better now!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
39w,5d
Feeling really grumpy again today (I know, it's almost like there's a pattern here, isn't there?) I started off hating that it was snowing, especially when everyone was calling for 7 inches of snow. Then Bill said he'd stay home, so I felt better. Of course at noon it toned down to flurries and he had to leave because calling off work for weather on a very important day at work wasn't going to fly so well. We were going to try multiple natural induction methods today to see what would happen. With Katie, I already had multiple bloody shows, was labeled in early labor and my water was ready to break. With Will, I'm just constantly in pain and I don't sleep at night anymore but nothing will kick off active labor. I'm feeling miserable, I feel like I'm stuck at the step before active labor and can't move just a little further to get it going. I just feel frustrated. And now my image for my perfect snowy day of having Bill home while we watch movies and drink hot chocolate and eat yummy snacks in between trying to start labor is gone.
I'm just miserable that things are stalling so much. I know, I'm not actually due, but I was really hoping with three weeks of seriously bad contractions, SPD and cervical pain, that maybe it wouldn't linger for so long. Tomorrow is the last day I can have the baby without it taking all of Bill's days next year away, so it would have been lovely had something happened by now. Seeing that about 80% of my baby group has so far gone early, I didn't think it would be too much to ask for just a few days early. After all, Katie started labor an hour into her due date, and she was my first. You'd think my second to start finding his way out by now.
I'm having lovely back contractions today. I've had Bill massaging my back for a few nights now to try and get them to calm down and release some tension in my muscles, but they keep getting more consistent. I can no longer tell where baby is, but I have a feeling that he flipped back to being posterior over the weekend so that's probably causing some of the pain.
My only plan for today is to get my last crochet order as close to finished as possible, get on my feet and do some cleaning and keep moving, bounce on the ball and try to start something here myself. Baby is so active all of a sudden that I can't lay down or nap anyway, so might as well start working towards this.
I'm just miserable that things are stalling so much. I know, I'm not actually due, but I was really hoping with three weeks of seriously bad contractions, SPD and cervical pain, that maybe it wouldn't linger for so long. Tomorrow is the last day I can have the baby without it taking all of Bill's days next year away, so it would have been lovely had something happened by now. Seeing that about 80% of my baby group has so far gone early, I didn't think it would be too much to ask for just a few days early. After all, Katie started labor an hour into her due date, and she was my first. You'd think my second to start finding his way out by now.
I'm having lovely back contractions today. I've had Bill massaging my back for a few nights now to try and get them to calm down and release some tension in my muscles, but they keep getting more consistent. I can no longer tell where baby is, but I have a feeling that he flipped back to being posterior over the weekend so that's probably causing some of the pain.
My only plan for today is to get my last crochet order as close to finished as possible, get on my feet and do some cleaning and keep moving, bounce on the ball and try to start something here myself. Baby is so active all of a sudden that I can't lay down or nap anyway, so might as well start working towards this.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Waiting on Baby
Waiting on baby is getting tougher by the day. I have my 40 week appointment tomorrow and while I know they won't, I wish they'd tell me something. I still feel so grumpy every day, I want my baby, and the weather won't stop calling for snow and bad roads (does NOT help with my grumpiness!) I feel so ready to get this over with and nothing is happening. After a while, it starts to mess with your head - it's starting to feel like I just made this whole thing up and gained a lot of weight and the baby isn't actually coming. I just want my baby here in my arms and start recovering with plenty of time for Christmas. Unfortunately, the baby only has three days to come before paternity leave runs into Bill's Christmas and New Year's leave - which means he'll get all of his personal days for next year taken away, along with his excused absences days and he's not sure if he'll get holiday pay either. It really messes up quite a bit! We both really want this baby to start labor asap. Katie was so punctual, but I just have a feeling that this one won't be.
I've been exhausted today and have a terrible headache. Yesterday was rough, I spent the whole time contracting and hurting. Today started off the same, but for the second half I've had no contractions, so there goes the hope that something might have been starting. I still feel pain in my cervix though, so hopefully that's still at work - not that anyone will tell me if it is or not!
So many people that are due 2+ weeks after me are currently having their babies. Somehow, in a group where I'm supposed to go first, it seems like I'll be last! Apparently everyone is able to go a little early but me. I know, I whine about this a lot, but I just want my baby here now. This week. And my faith of that happening is rapidly fading. I don't want another hospital birth, which is what I'm headed for. I especially don't want Christmas without my baby.
I've been exhausted today and have a terrible headache. Yesterday was rough, I spent the whole time contracting and hurting. Today started off the same, but for the second half I've had no contractions, so there goes the hope that something might have been starting. I still feel pain in my cervix though, so hopefully that's still at work - not that anyone will tell me if it is or not!
So many people that are due 2+ weeks after me are currently having their babies. Somehow, in a group where I'm supposed to go first, it seems like I'll be last! Apparently everyone is able to go a little early but me. I know, I whine about this a lot, but I just want my baby here now. This week. And my faith of that happening is rapidly fading. I don't want another hospital birth, which is what I'm headed for. I especially don't want Christmas without my baby.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
39w, 4d
Getting SO anxious to know when this baby is coming! I've been in severe pain today, and I could actually feel the baby moving down into my pelvis. My cervix has been giving me a lot of pain. After trying out inserting EPO pills yesterday, I feel like I'm most likely effacing (though not terribly far, but definitely feels not like normal). I have lots of contractions and pelvic pain, and while I know it's not labor pains, I'm hoping it's a good build up and indication that labor isn't far off. I'd love for it to happen sometime this week!
Friday, December 6, 2013
39w, 1d
I've only been awake for an hour or so, and I'm already feeling super emotional! It's really hitting me that these are Katie's last days as our one and only center of attention. While I've been trying to spend lots of time doing special things with her in these last days to make it even more special, it's still making me weepy that these are the last days. I'm so eager for my life to change and for me to become a mother of a little boy that I forget that Katie's life is forever changing as well and she's going to feel that immediately too. In fact, I think she already is feeling it. She seems to be regressing already in the last few days, perhaps she can sense the change. She suddenly wants to nurse again and is getting possessive of me. Her favorite song to sing all day is "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" while she twirls in circles (she used to sing daddy songs, but not anymore.) She was also sleeping well in her own bed and when she'd come into our bed she'd go to her daddy, and now she only wants to sleep with me. It's definitely going to be interesting, trying to learn who this new little baby is while also balancing giving Katie loads of attention and trying to get her used to big sisterhood.
I went for a walk to the store yesterday, as I really, really wanted cake. I figured at least one of three things would happen: I'd go into labor from all the walking, I'd die getting there and/or get stuck along the way, or I'd just get my cake. Turns out, NONE happened!I made it there and back, with the baby bearing down the entire time to make it very difficult to walk, and when I got home my legs hurt too much for the rest of the day to try to make the cake. Today, my legs are still aching and so are my hips. I did have really nasty pains last night, mostly in my cervix that immediately brought tears to my eyes, so who knows - maybe it did something. Fridays are my big tv watching day (since every show decides it has to be on Thursday night!) so I'm hoping I can make the cake early and pair it with some of my shows. Plus it's the weekend tomorrow, so I have a chance of not eating the entire thing by myself this time!
I went for a walk to the store yesterday, as I really, really wanted cake. I figured at least one of three things would happen: I'd go into labor from all the walking, I'd die getting there and/or get stuck along the way, or I'd just get my cake. Turns out, NONE happened!I made it there and back, with the baby bearing down the entire time to make it very difficult to walk, and when I got home my legs hurt too much for the rest of the day to try to make the cake. Today, my legs are still aching and so are my hips. I did have really nasty pains last night, mostly in my cervix that immediately brought tears to my eyes, so who knows - maybe it did something. Fridays are my big tv watching day (since every show decides it has to be on Thursday night!) so I'm hoping I can make the cake early and pair it with some of my shows. Plus it's the weekend tomorrow, so I have a chance of not eating the entire thing by myself this time!
Thursday, December 5, 2013
39 Weeks
39 weeks today! This is it, the last week of my countdown!
Having gone to the chiropractor yesterday has resulted in me having lots of energy. Yesterday Bill came home to me vacuuming under the rugs and the Christmas tree. Usually he comes home to me groaning on the sofa that my pelvis is broken and I'm pretty grumpy and tired, instead of being active and energetic.
It lasted today too, where I had a craving for cake but no ingredients, so I walked all the way to the store in misty rain to get some. No naps today either! I did lots of walking once I got home too. Now my pelvis is just killing me! I didn't get to make my cake yet either.
I slept SO well last night. After a week of barely sleeping, I went to bed around 1AM and slept in until noon. It was wonderful! Baby still feels different when he moves, so I'm thinking that he's still anterior and I'm hoping he doesn't flip back.
I've been reading through Katie's blog to see how I was at this time with her. It was actually encouraging to see that things started just a few days away from where I am now. By the time I was 39 weeks and 3 days, I had two bloody shows and lots of contractions and the midwife had labeled me in early labor. It was only four days after that when my water broke. My labor kept trying to start and then would stall, but perhaps this time it'll know what it's doing better. I wouldn't mind seeing some hopeful signs when I'm 39w, 3days - which is this weekend!
My ticker above is right - I'm hoping this baby is not a latecomer - or if he is, he's only a few days late. But we'll see!
I'm too hurting and exhausted to climb the stairs to take a belly picture, so that'll be happening tomorrow.
Having gone to the chiropractor yesterday has resulted in me having lots of energy. Yesterday Bill came home to me vacuuming under the rugs and the Christmas tree. Usually he comes home to me groaning on the sofa that my pelvis is broken and I'm pretty grumpy and tired, instead of being active and energetic.
It lasted today too, where I had a craving for cake but no ingredients, so I walked all the way to the store in misty rain to get some. No naps today either! I did lots of walking once I got home too. Now my pelvis is just killing me! I didn't get to make my cake yet either.
I slept SO well last night. After a week of barely sleeping, I went to bed around 1AM and slept in until noon. It was wonderful! Baby still feels different when he moves, so I'm thinking that he's still anterior and I'm hoping he doesn't flip back.
I've been reading through Katie's blog to see how I was at this time with her. It was actually encouraging to see that things started just a few days away from where I am now. By the time I was 39 weeks and 3 days, I had two bloody shows and lots of contractions and the midwife had labeled me in early labor. It was only four days after that when my water broke. My labor kept trying to start and then would stall, but perhaps this time it'll know what it's doing better. I wouldn't mind seeing some hopeful signs when I'm 39w, 3days - which is this weekend!
My ticker above is right - I'm hoping this baby is not a latecomer - or if he is, he's only a few days late. But we'll see!
I'm too hurting and exhausted to climb the stairs to take a belly picture, so that'll be happening tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
38w,6d
Went to the chiropractor today! Wow, such a difference! While I can't confirm anything yet, it seems like it may have actually worked on the baby and made him turn! I felt his butt coming out by my belly button today, and all of his movements have been different. My back and pelvis feel SO different! While it could be coincidence, I'm hoping it stays this way!
I'm not sure if nesting just got knocked into me, or if I have a wave of energy from the chiropractor (which happens most times I go.) I've been cleaning up the downstairs all day, crocheting through my last orders I've been slacking on, and even rolled up our big rug and vacuumed underneath it. It made the day go really quickly, and I still have more energy having done everything than I usually do having done nothing.
My eye will not stop twitching though! It's driving me nuts. I have no idea why it's doing it, but it's definitely refusing to stop.
Back to the chiropractor, he was quite worried about working with me today! The face he made when I said I was 8 days away from my due date was just one of terror! When he finished carefully and cautiously cracking me, he admitted that he was afraid I was going to burst my water right there. His fear though was my hope! I wouldn't have minded going into labor right there, as it's roughly five minutes away from the birth center - I could have gone and got checked for my water broken, received information, and went home to labor for a while. Instead, I spent the day cleaning and doing what I should have been doing all of last week.
I'm currently 24 minutes away from turning 39 weeks! I can't believe I'm here, but at the same time I can't believe I'm not overdue already because it so feels like it!
I'm not sure if nesting just got knocked into me, or if I have a wave of energy from the chiropractor (which happens most times I go.) I've been cleaning up the downstairs all day, crocheting through my last orders I've been slacking on, and even rolled up our big rug and vacuumed underneath it. It made the day go really quickly, and I still have more energy having done everything than I usually do having done nothing.
My eye will not stop twitching though! It's driving me nuts. I have no idea why it's doing it, but it's definitely refusing to stop.
Back to the chiropractor, he was quite worried about working with me today! The face he made when I said I was 8 days away from my due date was just one of terror! When he finished carefully and cautiously cracking me, he admitted that he was afraid I was going to burst my water right there. His fear though was my hope! I wouldn't have minded going into labor right there, as it's roughly five minutes away from the birth center - I could have gone and got checked for my water broken, received information, and went home to labor for a while. Instead, I spent the day cleaning and doing what I should have been doing all of last week.
I'm currently 24 minutes away from turning 39 weeks! I can't believe I'm here, but at the same time I can't believe I'm not overdue already because it so feels like it!
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
38w, 5d
I'm not sure how, but I'm suddenly packing on weight faster than I'd like! I'm not eating very much, probably the least I've eaten since I had morning sickness, now that my stomach is being pushed on and squished all the time. However, I gained four pounds last week from the week before, and four more pounds this week. Eek! By next week, I'll be at my same weight as with Katie (but with Katie, I started out weighing a bit more, so I already gained more than what I did with her.) Hopefully this baby comes soon!
Besides that, all of my appointments (except the ultrasound - the only one I wanted!) has been scheduled. My induction date is indeed December 26th - which I'm praying I won't need. That would really make what is supposed to be my best Christmas ever into the most miserable, grumpy Christmas. I can't imagine even celebrating Christmas without my baby here - so many of the gifts under the tree are his. Of course Katie is going to open them either way, but it just won't be as exciting if he's not here. I NEED to get this baby out before Christmas!
My multiple nonstress tests and fluid tests are the week after I'm due, starting on the 19th. I'd love to miss those as well, as I am not fond of going all the way down there for twenty minutes of sitting in a chair while the baby doesn't cooperate and Katie runs around like mad.
My blood pressure was lower today, more like normal. I was 110/70, so the top number went down even if the bottom didn't.
The midwife confirmed, not that she needed to, that baby is still posterior. I actually got him to turn earlier today when he stuck his butt out. It felt SO good, like a huge relief went over in my back muscles in waves. I gave Katie a bath and then boom, I feel him start to spin posterior again. Right now he feels like his butt is around my right side, so he's not completely posterior yet. His head is definitely down and low, but she didn't say how low or if it felt engaged yet. With him moving around so much, I'm thinking he's not engaged yet and if he is, he moves around so much that he might not be for long.
The midwife did kill my motivation a bit though. Listening to her describe second labor (as in second child, which is very different than first child - which I already know!) was disheartening and rough. She kept saying about how I can get really horrible, painful contractions that are strong and can keep me up all night - they can get to be five minutes apart consistently, and they'll still not be real labor. She said even if they get stronger, it doesn't mean real labor. She went over a few times how it can be really painful long before labor is really active. Well now, thank you for sharing that! I already feel like I've been in a state of early labor for a week, but I know it's not actual labor. To know that it can get MUCH worse than this and still not mean anything is so much fun! No wonder my other midwife said that she thinks I'll barely make it to the birth center - they're basically telling me to stay home and not think it's labor even if contractions are consistent, 4-5 minutes apart, lasting longer than an hour and increase in strength (which is normally all the major signs that it's real labor!) I'm hoping for a water birth here - meaning I want to labor and give birth in the water, not get there with a few minutes to go and just jump in the pool - that's just a wet birth! That's not going to help prevent tearing, help with my tailbone breaking, or help calm me at that point. I want to stay home as long as I can to labor, and I don't want to go in for false labor, but I also don't want to give birth at home or in the car!
So, that was my appointment this week. It would be awesome if it was the last one, but I have a feeling I'll be making it to my next one. Hopefully not beyond that though!
Besides that, all of my appointments (except the ultrasound - the only one I wanted!) has been scheduled. My induction date is indeed December 26th - which I'm praying I won't need. That would really make what is supposed to be my best Christmas ever into the most miserable, grumpy Christmas. I can't imagine even celebrating Christmas without my baby here - so many of the gifts under the tree are his. Of course Katie is going to open them either way, but it just won't be as exciting if he's not here. I NEED to get this baby out before Christmas!
My multiple nonstress tests and fluid tests are the week after I'm due, starting on the 19th. I'd love to miss those as well, as I am not fond of going all the way down there for twenty minutes of sitting in a chair while the baby doesn't cooperate and Katie runs around like mad.
My blood pressure was lower today, more like normal. I was 110/70, so the top number went down even if the bottom didn't.
The midwife confirmed, not that she needed to, that baby is still posterior. I actually got him to turn earlier today when he stuck his butt out. It felt SO good, like a huge relief went over in my back muscles in waves. I gave Katie a bath and then boom, I feel him start to spin posterior again. Right now he feels like his butt is around my right side, so he's not completely posterior yet. His head is definitely down and low, but she didn't say how low or if it felt engaged yet. With him moving around so much, I'm thinking he's not engaged yet and if he is, he moves around so much that he might not be for long.
The midwife did kill my motivation a bit though. Listening to her describe second labor (as in second child, which is very different than first child - which I already know!) was disheartening and rough. She kept saying about how I can get really horrible, painful contractions that are strong and can keep me up all night - they can get to be five minutes apart consistently, and they'll still not be real labor. She said even if they get stronger, it doesn't mean real labor. She went over a few times how it can be really painful long before labor is really active. Well now, thank you for sharing that! I already feel like I've been in a state of early labor for a week, but I know it's not actual labor. To know that it can get MUCH worse than this and still not mean anything is so much fun! No wonder my other midwife said that she thinks I'll barely make it to the birth center - they're basically telling me to stay home and not think it's labor even if contractions are consistent, 4-5 minutes apart, lasting longer than an hour and increase in strength (which is normally all the major signs that it's real labor!) I'm hoping for a water birth here - meaning I want to labor and give birth in the water, not get there with a few minutes to go and just jump in the pool - that's just a wet birth! That's not going to help prevent tearing, help with my tailbone breaking, or help calm me at that point. I want to stay home as long as I can to labor, and I don't want to go in for false labor, but I also don't want to give birth at home or in the car!
So, that was my appointment this week. It would be awesome if it was the last one, but I have a feeling I'll be making it to my next one. Hopefully not beyond that though!
Monday, December 2, 2013
38w, 4d
I had a terrible night, a terribly early morning, and I'm terribly grumpy. Yep, this sure feels like the third trimester I remember!
I'm so ready for this baby to come out! My body feels like it needs a break from incubating, and this baby feels like he's more than ready to come out. If only he'd get this started! I tried hinting to him that December 2nd sounds like a very nice birthday to have, and how nice would it be for him to be on December 2nd and Katie to be on July 2nd? So far, he's not playing into my game.
Last night I tried to get him to turn so he stops being anterior. The way I tried, which I figured would be the easiest of the harder methods, is to put your knee up as high as it can go while laying in bed. The other leg stays straight. This opens up the pelvis and gives baby more room, and laying that way helps him to want to flip the normal way. Instead, I woke up extremely sore. My hips are killing me. Baby is in the same position as always. He won't move! My legs have bad cramps going through them, my pelvis and tailbone are sore, my hips ache, and I'm having contractions that wrap all the way around my back and feel like it's tearing the muscles back there. I can't wait for my chiropractor appointment on Wednesday!
Katie ended up falling asleep at 8 PM last night. I was still wide awake, so Bill and I stayed up watching movies while he massaged my back until 1 AM. Then Katie decided to keep waking up all night, and finally she was up for good around 6:30-7 AM. WAY too early. Even after I got up and took her downstairs, put on her tv shows, changed her diaper and got her juice, she wouldn't let me sleep. I was near tears exhausted. I had gotten up about three times to pee at night, my entire body hurt from the position I had been in, and I was contracting.
I really want this baby to be here now, and each day that goes by I get more exhausted, more in pain, and more broken down feeling. I'm so overly ready for this baby to come!
______________________________________________________________
I wrote this earlier today. The day didn't get much better. I even watched about two hours worth of waterbirths to try and deter me. I did gather a bit of energy towards the end of the day after a twenty minute nap, and managed to catch up on dishes. It's the first time I've done dishes in about a month, so it was a good feeling to get them done. I really need to focus the rest of the night on crocheting so I can finish these last two orders. Getting paid for my last big order today has helped inspire me. (phew, I'm back to the amount of money stored that I wanted to at least have for when the baby comes - another reason why baby can come anytime!)
I'm so ready for this baby to come out! My body feels like it needs a break from incubating, and this baby feels like he's more than ready to come out. If only he'd get this started! I tried hinting to him that December 2nd sounds like a very nice birthday to have, and how nice would it be for him to be on December 2nd and Katie to be on July 2nd? So far, he's not playing into my game.
Last night I tried to get him to turn so he stops being anterior. The way I tried, which I figured would be the easiest of the harder methods, is to put your knee up as high as it can go while laying in bed. The other leg stays straight. This opens up the pelvis and gives baby more room, and laying that way helps him to want to flip the normal way. Instead, I woke up extremely sore. My hips are killing me. Baby is in the same position as always. He won't move! My legs have bad cramps going through them, my pelvis and tailbone are sore, my hips ache, and I'm having contractions that wrap all the way around my back and feel like it's tearing the muscles back there. I can't wait for my chiropractor appointment on Wednesday!
Katie ended up falling asleep at 8 PM last night. I was still wide awake, so Bill and I stayed up watching movies while he massaged my back until 1 AM. Then Katie decided to keep waking up all night, and finally she was up for good around 6:30-7 AM. WAY too early. Even after I got up and took her downstairs, put on her tv shows, changed her diaper and got her juice, she wouldn't let me sleep. I was near tears exhausted. I had gotten up about three times to pee at night, my entire body hurt from the position I had been in, and I was contracting.
I really want this baby to be here now, and each day that goes by I get more exhausted, more in pain, and more broken down feeling. I'm so overly ready for this baby to come!
______________________________________________________________
I wrote this earlier today. The day didn't get much better. I even watched about two hours worth of waterbirths to try and deter me. I did gather a bit of energy towards the end of the day after a twenty minute nap, and managed to catch up on dishes. It's the first time I've done dishes in about a month, so it was a good feeling to get them done. I really need to focus the rest of the night on crocheting so I can finish these last two orders. Getting paid for my last big order today has helped inspire me. (phew, I'm back to the amount of money stored that I wanted to at least have for when the baby comes - another reason why baby can come anytime!)
Sunday, December 1, 2013
38w, 3d
Yesterday was 12 days until 12.12. But today has flown by and now it's almost 10 days, and I am SO ready for this. I've reached the point where I know it's only going to get harder the longer I wait. I feel like I've been in early labor for two weeks now. I have constant contractions, it's really painful to walk, I have shooting pains in my cervix every few hours of every day, I'm not sleeping at all anymore, I'm feeling grumpy and...I just really want my baby!
I think Thanksgiving sort of kicked off these feelings. Even though pregnancy has gone so fast, it still feels like I've been pregnant since last year when we announced the pregnancy at Thanksgiving. Since this pregnancy and Elizabeth's were so close together, it just feels like they were one. I feel like I've been pregnant for over a year now. I'm cooked, I'm done, I'm ready.
Today I had shooting pains and contractions and I wondered 'could this possibly be the very beginning?' No fear came with it, I even encouraged it. Of course it calmed down and it was just another tease in a long line of them, but I'm so ready. Nothing is holding me back at this point. No, I'm not looking forward to labor but since it has to happen this month no matter what, I'd rather it happen and be done so I can have my little baby than to keep waiting. I'm trying to be patient, it's just not working very well. Patience is for those who have only been pregnant for nine months. Patience is for those who don't watch two and three December babies being born every single day, watching the mommies go through labor and rejoice in their babies afterwards. Patience is for those who aren't cursed with SPD and feel like every single step made is actually bone breaking. I'm so ready.
I'm trying to find things to occupy my time and enjoy these last days. Their Katie's last days of being our only child, and I've been doing lots of fun things with her while I have the time. We've made cookies, we've gone shopping, we ate out our last meal in a sit down restaurant, we decorated a tree together while dancing and singing to Christmas music and eating chocolate. We have loads of cuddle time, lots of hugs and girl nights. I'm making the most of the time we still have....but I'm so ready!
It's also difficult because I no longer want to leave the house. I don't want to get out of my fluffy pajama bottoms. I don't want Bill to ever leave or go to work. I feel like I'm nesting in my own way - by surrounding myself in my "nest" of blankets and pillows in my own home and waiting for my little hatchling.
I'm not doing any home induction methods due to last time, but I am begging baby on an hourly basis to come on out now.
I think Thanksgiving sort of kicked off these feelings. Even though pregnancy has gone so fast, it still feels like I've been pregnant since last year when we announced the pregnancy at Thanksgiving. Since this pregnancy and Elizabeth's were so close together, it just feels like they were one. I feel like I've been pregnant for over a year now. I'm cooked, I'm done, I'm ready.
Today I had shooting pains and contractions and I wondered 'could this possibly be the very beginning?' No fear came with it, I even encouraged it. Of course it calmed down and it was just another tease in a long line of them, but I'm so ready. Nothing is holding me back at this point. No, I'm not looking forward to labor but since it has to happen this month no matter what, I'd rather it happen and be done so I can have my little baby than to keep waiting. I'm trying to be patient, it's just not working very well. Patience is for those who have only been pregnant for nine months. Patience is for those who don't watch two and three December babies being born every single day, watching the mommies go through labor and rejoice in their babies afterwards. Patience is for those who aren't cursed with SPD and feel like every single step made is actually bone breaking. I'm so ready.
I'm trying to find things to occupy my time and enjoy these last days. Their Katie's last days of being our only child, and I've been doing lots of fun things with her while I have the time. We've made cookies, we've gone shopping, we ate out our last meal in a sit down restaurant, we decorated a tree together while dancing and singing to Christmas music and eating chocolate. We have loads of cuddle time, lots of hugs and girl nights. I'm making the most of the time we still have....but I'm so ready!
It's also difficult because I no longer want to leave the house. I don't want to get out of my fluffy pajama bottoms. I don't want Bill to ever leave or go to work. I feel like I'm nesting in my own way - by surrounding myself in my "nest" of blankets and pillows in my own home and waiting for my little hatchling.
I'm not doing any home induction methods due to last time, but I am begging baby on an hourly basis to come on out now.
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