Overdue - day 3

Feeling very frustrated and trying to not stress. This is the most pregnant I've ever been, and I'm not enjoying it. I had Katie the morning of my second day late, but I already had my water broken for days so I knew that it was going to happen so soon. This time there's nothing. I have contractions that aren't consistent and the ones that are aren't painful yet enough for me to remember to time. I have lots of cervical pain and pressure, but no bloody shows that normally accompany lots of dilation.

I was really hoping to go in to the birth center today, just to see where I'm at. I'd love to have the baby before Bill has to return to work tomorrow, but so far it just isn't feeling like it. I was 100% going to call the midwife last night, out of pain and frustration, and kept saying I'd call her by noon today. But now that I'm awake, I don't feel as much pain and I just feel stupid for trying to get checked. I feel stupid for having so many contractions that go no where, for having such a hard time getting around...because it's not leading anywhere. I've been fighting that feeling like I'm broken - I can start up early labor but my body can't make active labor start on it's own.

I so just want to be out of this period of time where it's just frustration and waiting and everyone asking "did it happen yet?" No, it didn't happen yet. I'm tired of being in pain, of tossing and turning all night, of being worried every time Bill leaves for work. I keep telling him "I think it's going to be tomorrow, with all the hell I've been through today, it should be tomorrow." Too many tomorrows have already passed and I'm just tired of guessing. I'm trying to remind myself that baby's real due date isn't until today, so he's not late at all, but it's hard to listen to that. I just want to be done. I want to be one of those people who get to cuddle their little baby and take pictures of their exciting new addition and look forward to Christmas as a new family. I don't want to be so grumpy and frustrated anymore. I've enjoyed every moment I could of these last days, and now it's just enough.

I'm tired of worrying about labor. I just want it over with!