15 Days PP

Will is now just over two weeks old. He's doing so well - he seems to really be chunking up fast, and I'm confident that he's continued to gain even more weight. The beginnings of rolls are starting on his legs and wrists, his cheeks are fuller, and he just feels heavier to lug around. His circumcision seems to be healing perfectly and so far we haven't had any problems with it (though I've been going through is special tubes of vaseline like crazy to make sure of that!) His sleeping is still problematic, as he takes two giant naps during the day - from 12-4 he usually naps first, then another 4-5 hour sleep a few hours later. Of course this means that he doesn't sleep much at night. He'll give me a few hours, but he wakes me up about every hour to nurse, needs diaper changes, and then by 6:30 AM he's awake for the day. I'm waiting to reverse this once it's actually possible to keep him awake. Right now nothing will stop him from sleeping when he's ready to sleep!

I'm disappointed to say that my bleeding isn't getting any better since two days ago. It's once again bright red and while it's not very heavy, it's very annoying and it hurts again. I've barely done ANYTHING all day - just small things like going up and down stairs when necessary, helping Katie with a few things, and getting up to grab some stuff for the baby. It's really very minimal and nothing close to what I'll have to be doing soon, and it seems like my body doesn't want me even doing that. Bill is going to go over our money situation to see if we can swing a few more days, but I'm trying to prepare for if that's not a possibility. I feel good, I feel like I can handle more, but then my body gives me a big red flag that's terribly annoying.

Today has been a rough day for me, as was last night. It's so odd, to be so happy over the newborn in your arms and to cry for a baby who didn't make it - and if she had, the newborn wouldn't be there. I'm doing my best to honor Elizabeth today, even though we're pretty confined in the house. It's pouring rain and too cold for a toddler and newborn, so we can't go visit her today (but hope to do so very soon.) I wanted to get a balloon to release, but again, we're home bound. So instead, I cleared off the top of our piano in our main room and I went into our bedroom and attic to where we have all of her things. I brought down everything that really has meaning to her and set it all up, then grabbed all the candles we have in the house. They're lit all day today.  While I'm trying very hard to not think of what was happening at this time last year, it's difficult to avoid it.

Will just took one of my arms, so that'll have to be the end of this post!