Today was a wonderful day.
Today marks my very last week in first trimester. It feels like I've been in first trimester for half a year now. With getting pregnant last November and going all the way through first tri, miscarrying in January, still feeling pregnant in February and then getting pregnant in March...it seems like I've been stuck in this trimester for an awfully long time. But, finally, I'm now on the edge of first trimester. I can see the goal line in sight now, and I've almost reached it. Second trimester, here I come!
Today was also my baby appointment. I was so nervous for this one, as this is when we didn't hear Elizabeth's heartbeat. This was the week we lost her. I was so afraid we wouldn't hear a heartbeat again. Sitting in that room - the exact same room with the same midwife sitting in the same seat as I did with Elizabeth - was so incredibly nerve wracking. Those thirty seconds of searching were pure hell for me. I kept hearing my heartbeat, and then silence. Then my heart beat and then silence. It was nothing short of terrifying and I completely stopped breathing as I stared at the ceiling and searched for that heartbeat. Finally it popped up, so different from mine, sounding strong and fast. Baby's heartrate was in the 160's and was perfect. My fundal height, while higher than average, was exactly where I thought it was. Everything checked out just fine. I feel like I'm sliding into home base. I've made it past this scary milestone where we lost our last baby. This baby is still with us, healthy and alive and thriving in there. We're even closer to holding our Christmas Miracle.
Today I'm 12 weeks and I couldn't be happier. I've felt overwhelmed in how overjoyed I am. I have been brought to tears multiple times today, remembering that beautiful sound of the heartbeat and having so much fear and dread lifted from me. I'm so excited to start the trimester where I'll feel my baby kicking for the first time, where we'll find out exactly who we're having and then celebrate them with a party, where we'll get all the preparations ready for their arrival. I can't wait to say goodbye to first trimester, finally, and say hello to baby experiences that I've been so eagerly awaiting for.
:)
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