11w, 4d

I'm becoming more and more hormonal and emotional, unlike in my other pregnancies. I think I was pretty normal in those, and Bill always said I was. This time is different. I get in such odd moods! My back deck is now an empty nester. My beautiful bird family, with the mommy bird I'd chat with each day, the devoted daddy bird who was always around to help out, and the adorable baby birds, are all gone. I knew it would happen soon, as the other day the babies looked ready to get out of the nest and like they weren't fitting so well, and the mommy bird had to perch on the side of the nest, but still...I feel sad when I go out in the mornings, look up ready to smile, and then see the empty nest. It's been two days without seeing any of the birds now.

I also have a terrible compulsion to go buy Katie EVERYTHING. Seriously, I was in the toy department yesterday by myself and wanted to fill the cart with everything I knew she'd like. Just like at the pet store - Katie LOVES the guinea pigs. She giggles and points and loves just to watch them eat. While watching her today being so adorable and happy, I felt the need to buy her a pet to make her happier. What? The LAST thing I want is something else to go on my chore list and need to take care of while sick! I don't want ANY more pets for a good while. But these hormones take over sometimes and make me think the weirdest things! I never dealt with this before, it feels so bizarre.

I also think I have Sophie's mentality. I keep bugging to go on walks every day. I want to walk around town. When we're walking, Bill has to take over the stroller and I use Sophie to pull me along because I can't actually handle the whole walk with my tailbone hurting, needing to throw up, and sciatic acting up. So then we'll go home and two hours later, I'm looking out the window again over Sophie and wanting to go for a walk! How odd! It's not that I want exercise, because my body seems to hate it right now. It's not that I just want to be outside, because sitting on my porch for 20 minutes wasn't much fun and I went inside to go do other things. But the idea of going for a walk is still very enticing...until we're actually doing it.

Maybe it's just lack of sleep. I get up at least twice a night to pee, and then my body tells me that I'm awake now and don't need more sleep. It takes me a good half hour of convincing it to go back to sleep. By the time the sun comes up by 6 to convince my body further that it must be midday by now, I usually give up and just lay there. So maybe it's less hormones, more from sleep crazed.

However, with all of this and more, I couldn't be more excited about this pregnancy. I'm pretty sure I get more excited every day, even with my symptoms growing. I'm convinced that there's nothing quite so exciting as pregnancy. There's so many dreams and plans and excitement, so much curiosity and eagerness. I can't believe how fast first trimester went by, and I have no idea where May went. The fact that it's almost gone is absolutely mind boggling, and a little frightening. I mean, where on earth did it go?? It feels like it JUST turned May! I'm not ready for June yet!

I am ready for my appointment though. Three more days, almost two more until i get booked in and get more reassurance on baby. I wish I knew which midwife was going to be on that day, because I know some are really good at finding heartbeats and some are less good...but I'm hoping that if I plead enough, they'll give me an ultrasound if they don't hear a heartbeat. In fact, I'm pretty sure if they'd deny me, I'd go straight to my doctor, who really doesn't deny me anything. So either way, I feel pretty okay about it, as I don't have any bad feelings. This baby seems to be really interested in making sure I know it's in there and it's healthy with all the crazy, rough symptoms it sends me all day. I'm okay with them, I much rather have them than to have a lack of them! Perhaps my body knew that I'd be worried this week and decided that it better up the sickness to give me some reassurance! lol

Edit: I feel kind of stupid. The last week or so, I have NOT been able to find my fundal height, which worried me. I kept trying in the morning and I couldn't feel it like before. Of course, then I starting thinking that maybe it wasn't right before and I wasn't feeling my uterus all that week. Turns out, I'm just way behind in this pregnancy mentally. I just looked at a diagram where my uterus should be at 12 weeks. I felt right there and yep, I can feel my uterus VERY clearly. I've been trying to find it about two inches lower than it now is. For some reason (again, lack of sleep?) I was thinking I should be able to find it where I found it before - well over 3 weeks ago! Yep, my uterus has definitely grown and I can definitely feel my fundal line clearly. Just didn't expect it to be quite that big yet, but the diagram clearly showed that I should have!

Edit 2: This morning I tried to feel it again, and feel even stupider. The entire bulge of my belly in the morning is my uterus. I could clearly feel the entire thing pushing out. How did I not see this before to know where it was?? It's not easy to lose your fundal line!