34 Weeks

I had to check more than once to make sure that I really am 34 weeks today. For some reason, that just feels like such a big milestone. Just 6 weeks to go. Babies born at 34 weeks usually don't have much troubles at all, and a pretty short NICU stay. At 35 weeks, they can usually avoid staying in the NICU for any prolonged time. Because I'm so far along where baby is so developed...because he's supposed to be coming soon!

I got misty eyed today when we went to the store and I stepped into the Christmas section. It's finally arriving. Halloween is over in an hour, and then it's onto the winter holidays, and right inbetween them is baby time. The world is showing evidence that it's closing in on baby time! How can everyone be moving onto Christmas when I can't mentally wrap my mind around the fact that something even sooner is happening?

My next appointment is in 7 days. I can't wait to get to that appointment and find out how things are going with baby. Halloween has been a fun distraction, Katie really got into it this year and walked around town gathering candy in her little monster bag, all dressed up like Minnie Mouse. Today, I painted up my belly so Will could be part of the holiday too. I was around 34 weeks when I got my belly painting done with Katie of a pumpkin, so even though hers was much better done, it was fun to have another pumpkin on my 34 week belly.

And here's Katie in her halloween outfit:

And here's my belly pic for the week!

33w,4d

I'm SO tired and I don't even know why. Katie sleeps more than I do, so she's not waking me up. Bill has taken over almost all the chores - he does the dishes, I just put them away when they're dry. He does the laundry, I just fold them on the sofa. He's even taken an interest in cooking and wants to expand his abilities, so he's been doing more cooking lately. Due to me being so big, he even has to help me put my boots on now. So with him doing half of my duties, you'd think I'd have more energy, not much less!

This morning started off roughly. Not only did Sophie have some major potty issues, but even before I managed to get Katie out of bed, I sneezed and pulled a very important muscle (which hurts all day even when not pulled). I had a house full of stink, a pulled muscle, and I'm still getting over this cold which clings to you FOREVER. Katie is still coughing and phlemy and so is Bill, and they had it for a week longer than I have.

This week should go really well though. Since Bill only has about 4 weeks left to use all of his deer days, he's using them so we can take Katie trick or treating for the first time (usually we go to the mall with all of her littlest uncles and aunt, and Bill never gets to go.) So for this week, he's going to have two days of work before taking three days, which is when we're going to finally finish our huge project of cleaning out the basement (which we made a lot of headway with last night) and organizing the entire attic and clearing out the nursery, which is currently reduced to a hallway. And yes, not having my nursery perfectly put together IS driving me insane, so I'm really eager for this week.

My cervix has been hurting lately. I'm wondering if it's starting to get ready like the rest of my body seems to be. I can't wait until my next appointment so I can stop thinking about fundal heights and start thinking about December and things progressing naturally. Just one more week!

33 Weeks

49 more days. FORTY NINE. 7 weeks. Thanksgiving is in 5 weeks, Christmas in 9 and snug right in the middle there...is my due date already! I know, I freak out over this every week but WOAH, that's getting mighty close. Under 50 days!

Baby has been going absolutely NUTS in there for two days. Last night he kicked me so hard and his foot came so far out that he woke me from a dead sleep and I had to push his foot back in while trying not to panic about how freaking far it was out of me. It actually feels like it's bruised. He's been a total maniac. I know that at this stage, amniotic fluid is at a new low vs any previous week, so feeling him is a lot easier without as much buffer, but wow does he startle me.

I'm grateful for his constant heavy movements though, because the doctor appointment yesterday really made me worry for a while. I haven't grown in fundal height in two appointements, and at my last appointment I was behind. I know, fundal heights aren't too reliable, but seeing that I always measured on track before these appointments and always with Katie, it sent little red flags waving in my peace. I think especially after a miscarriage, the horrors that sneak into your head are just unavoidable and of course I freaked out a bit. I'm feeling better today though - and keep remembering that his heart rate is totally on par, he's super active, I have no pains or bleeding or worrying symptoms, all of my stats besides that were spot on...so chances are, everything is fine. He may be gearing up for a growth spurt, or since he's moved into the head's down position it's now causing different measurements than before. I tried to push an ultrasound now instead of just waiting since with my history, I hate the idea of just waiting, but I didn't get it so now I have two weeks to pass.

It seems like just the idea that something could be wrong shook Bill as well. He never said anything, except in the car he did ask what could be the causes of no fundal growth and he didn't like that the midwife would just finish up the appointment with saying that something could be wrong but we'll wait and see. But today when I mentioned about getting cleaning done around the house every time the cold meds kicked in, he said to not worry about it and to just rest because he'll take care of it. When I asked why, he said I'm getting to the end of pregnancy now and he just really wants me to be healthy and rest up. Emotional flash backs from Elizabeth will forever scar us and bring back moments of fear. While he doesn't mention it, I know he has the same moments of panic that I do.

But on a more cheerful note - everything still seems fine and I'm very nearly at 34 weeks. After 34 weeks, usually if NICU is needed it's only for about a week. So I'm very, very close to that safety zone where should anything happen and baby needed to be born, he could probably breathe on his own, suffer no lasting issues, and be able to go home after a few days. That makes me feel much better, but I don't think I need to worry about that anyway. I have a feeling this little boy will go overdue.

I've become a public fear now, apparently. For the last few weeks, EVERY time I go somewhere, someone looks at me with these big deer in the headlights look and fearfully asks me "you're not going into labor, are you?" I have NO idea what it is about me that everyone thinks this, but if I have my hand resting anywhere near any part of my belly, they immediately say it. If I'm slightly leaning on my cart, which I do even when I'm not pregnant so it's just out of habit, someone will say it. Heck, if I yawn, it makes people ask! It's like these people have never seen a woman in labor before. I do not look in pain, or in any urgency - if I'm in labor, I guarentee you're going to know it without a doubt without having to ask me! It was funny at first, but a bit annoying now. Seriously, what is it that has people asking me this? I never had this with Katie. It's not even in a joking manner - they say it in fear and then tell me a lovely story about how they knew someone who gave birth so suddenly and it was so much screaming and carrying on and they are NOT going through that with me. Um...okay? The woman who said it to me a few days ago actually told me - IN ALL SERIOUSNESS - that it's easy for the woman in labor, but she doesn't think of how hard it is on the people around her. Excuse me, did you really just tell me that??

I'm entering the nesting phase. I'm suddenly going nuts about the house. I actually feel the need to throw a lot away just to make the clutter disappear and avoid it from building up. I want everything clean and ready. Hopefully this weekend will be full of decluttering and moving things into their final positions (because having boxes filling up the nursery is driving me nuts!)

It was too cold to change into picture outfit today, so I didn't take one yet. Thinking I may need to modify what I wear now, as it's frosty up in the nursery (we have a space heater downstairs for us) and I'm trying to not turn on the heat for a few more weeks (the only reason I'm actually sticking to that is because all the heaters need to be taken apart and vacuumed out, as Sophie fur accumulates inside of there and poses a fire hazard).

Edit: managed to suck it up and take one!

32w, 4d

Baby Will got one of his first gifts today! I received this in the mail this morning from my baby group's gift exchange, and I LOVE it! Someone definitely understands my love for Mickey and Will's theme!

It came with a vintage Mickey and Minnie cartoon book, which Katie quickly grabbed and fell in love with, an ADORABLE Mickey mouse long sleeve onesie that was specially made, a big pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (which I haven't left alone since first laying eyes on them) and letter squares with Mickey Mouse in the background and spelling out his name.

In other news, I'm worried I won't be making it to my baby appointment on Wednesday. I can feel myself beginning to get sick, and this sickness clings to you. We're taking Katie to the doctor's in three hours to get checked out, as she's still struggling and her fever has come back (she's on day 4 or 5 of the sickness. Bill's at the doctor right now getting checked out, and I listened to him making groaning noises in his sleep all night last night - and this is day 4 for him. It really feels like the return of our last sickness - I'm almost wondering if it went through his family and mutated a bit, then was given back to us last week. It seems a lot like the last time.

I had more to say...but I'm so tired I can't remember. I'm so sleepy!

32w, 3d

Today has been rough. I had a few contractions that were stronger than ever (I can actually feel the different muscles working - the lower gripping muscles contracting together and the higher vertical muscles pushing down), Katie is still every bit as sick as she's been for a few days, and now Bill is really sick. I've now accepted my fate that I'll be sick within the next two days, so I kept the two sickies together and ran around for a while cleaning. I caught up on dishes, I cleaned out the fridge, made a big casserole dish of Shephard's Pie, got some laundry done, and planned meals. It seems like this sickness pretty much debilitates you for a few days, so I'm trying to make it as easy on myself as possible.

I haven't slept in two nights though, so I'm feeling a bit out of it. Katie hasn't been sleeping well, between her phlegm and nasal dripping all night and her general not feeling good, she wakes up about every hour crying and I have to hold her up against the pillows all night so she can breathe easier. Of course this means that half the time I'm not in a comfortable position, or the baby is angry at the position, or I can't breathe right. It's not been a fun time! I can't believe I had as much energy as I did, seeing that I got so little sleep.

While the rest of my family is sick, I'm experiencing lots of heavy morning sickness. It's feeling worse than first trimester, as eating usually doesn't make it better, and dry heaving has not been fun. Dry heaving while already having contractions and dealing with sick people is NO fun! Still, as much as I'm starting to reminisce over the end of this pregnancy and how I used to look, I also can't help but to keep thinking about how easy this pregnancy has been, at least until this point where it feels like multiple things are constantly feeling broken or in lots of pain. I'm almost afraid to let this pregnancy go, because it's been my easiest one. Who knows if I'll get another easy pregnancy again?

Now my sickies are both in bed sleeping. I finally got my shower and was hoping to have a night of relaxing to tv and eating Stouffer's mac and cheese (I've been waiting all day for it, since it's too much for a sick Katie to share) and I'm way too tired now. Looks like I'll be heading to bed early!

32w, 1d

Katie is loving the idea of being a big sister right now. Not only does she want to read her big sister books all the time, but she's become obsessed with babies. She loves pictures of babies, loves seeing babies in public, and takes care of her baby doll. She'll strap the baby into a bouncer, cover it with her favorite blankie, and then tell me "shh" so that the baby can go to sleep. Now she's even taken it a step further: the last few days she will randomly come up to me and lift up my shirt so she can see my belly, then smiles and lays her head down on it. Then she coos "baby, baby". She loves the idea of a baby coming soon! I know she probably won't always like it when the baby is here at first, but I do think she'll enjoy having a baby around once she gets used to sharing mommy.

In the last week and a half, there have been three babies born in my due date group, and another that's on the way. Suddenly, the group is being taken over by these newborn baby pictures and it's so hard to wrap my head around - I'm THAT close that people due around the same time as me are having their babies! Yes, they're going early, but not that early. These babies are healthy and making their appearances and it seems like each week someone else says that their water broke, or they're dilating and are on hospital bedrest. I'm getting close!!

I can feel it in myself as well, not just physically with the contractions, but I'm getting that clinginess that I recognize from Katie's pregnancy. I'm starting to dread when Bill goes to work. I get lonely during the day. I wait for him to get back...I'm getting that clingy feeling that I got towards the end last time. I don't want him to venture off anymore, even to work, because I'm getting closer. I get nesting feelings every few days. Everything is ready for baby except the boxes that are in the nursery waiting to go into the attic this weekend. Mentally, even without willing it, I'm getting prepared for the end.

I'm finally starting to feel ready. Ready to take on another infant, ready to be a mommy of two, ready to figure out how life works with multiple kids. I'm getting ready to be up all night (heck, I am most of the time now anyway), getting my supply back, ready to start moving out of pregnancy limbo. I used to be panicked about the end, about leaving Katie, about the what ifs, but there's starting to be a calm now. Whatever happens, it'll work out. If things don't go perfectly, it won't matter in a year from now. Back up plans are in place. Everything is starting to come together. There's less need to panic, which is what I need right now. I had so much anxiety about this one day throughout my whole pregnancy, and the last week or so I've been very focused to calm down about it. It's one day, I'll get through it. It's not even the pain of labor I fear, which really, that should be the fear! lol. I'm trying to stay calm about everything. I think it worked, because I might be too calm - I'm at the point where if I accidently had the baby at home or in the car or something, I don't really mind the idea of it! I'm not even worried about the circumcision, but I'm positive that the fear of that will come back once baby is here and in my arms!

If the above isn't a good enough sign that I'm being taken over by wackiness, I also wrote up a full list of about 15 girl names and asked Bill to shorten it down. Yep, I want to come up with at least a short list of names...for a baby that won't be born for at least two years down the road! The problem with nesting is I do it mentally too, and it becomes important for me to be prepared for everything...and I guess that includes the next baby after this as well. One step ahead at all times! We already have our boy's first name, the probable middle name and a back up middle name, so I'd really like to narrow down our girl choices a bit. It seems silly, but if it's going to cause me to mentally calm down, then I'm going to do it anyway.

Now to survive this weekend with my very fussy toddler who is once again sick. The sickness itself isn't the problem as much as her fighting against it. She gets SO frustrated so quickly when playing because she doesn't feel well but won't just lay down. None of us are getting very good sleep with her, mostly because I have a built in hourly alarm to wake me up and check on her temperature and stuffy breathing.

32 Weeks

32 weeks! I actually feel like I was 32 weeks already, so this week doesn't give me the jitters at all. In fact, now that I'm having contractions and preparing mentally for birth with the Hypnobirthing book, I'm starting to get less jittery and more really excited to finally hold my baby. This pregnancy may seem fast, but at the same time, I feel like I've been pregnant since last November - so long that I think part of me forgot that it does end and a baby does come from this!

Speaking of contractions, they finally calmed down today. I woke up with a few of them happening, but since then I've mainly just been sore in all of my uterine  muscles from the last few days of work. Baby is obviously not pleased by all the contractions, I never felt him quite so active before - and that's really saying something! Bandit has been all over me since the contractions started, I wonder if she can sense them? She never, ever cuddles with me and the last two days she's all over me, wanting to lay against my belly or right up against me. In the year and a half that we've had her, she's never been a cuddle buddy for me (though she will cuddle with Bill any time he even tries to sit down!)

It seems like every part of me is getting eager for baby. My arms are starting to feel that yearning to hold baby, and every few days I keep checking to see if my milk started up again because I keep feeling like I'm "letting down". So far, nothing yet though. My back has gotten that "I can't stand the weight and posture of this belly" aching now, and even my knees are really starting to feel the pressure of these extra 28 lbs (which honestly, I thought I'd be way past by now, so they should be happy!)

And talking about weight, here's how it's looking this week: