32w, 1d

Katie is loving the idea of being a big sister right now. Not only does she want to read her big sister books all the time, but she's become obsessed with babies. She loves pictures of babies, loves seeing babies in public, and takes care of her baby doll. She'll strap the baby into a bouncer, cover it with her favorite blankie, and then tell me "shh" so that the baby can go to sleep. Now she's even taken it a step further: the last few days she will randomly come up to me and lift up my shirt so she can see my belly, then smiles and lays her head down on it. Then she coos "baby, baby". She loves the idea of a baby coming soon! I know she probably won't always like it when the baby is here at first, but I do think she'll enjoy having a baby around once she gets used to sharing mommy.

In the last week and a half, there have been three babies born in my due date group, and another that's on the way. Suddenly, the group is being taken over by these newborn baby pictures and it's so hard to wrap my head around - I'm THAT close that people due around the same time as me are having their babies! Yes, they're going early, but not that early. These babies are healthy and making their appearances and it seems like each week someone else says that their water broke, or they're dilating and are on hospital bedrest. I'm getting close!!

I can feel it in myself as well, not just physically with the contractions, but I'm getting that clinginess that I recognize from Katie's pregnancy. I'm starting to dread when Bill goes to work. I get lonely during the day. I wait for him to get back...I'm getting that clingy feeling that I got towards the end last time. I don't want him to venture off anymore, even to work, because I'm getting closer. I get nesting feelings every few days. Everything is ready for baby except the boxes that are in the nursery waiting to go into the attic this weekend. Mentally, even without willing it, I'm getting prepared for the end.

I'm finally starting to feel ready. Ready to take on another infant, ready to be a mommy of two, ready to figure out how life works with multiple kids. I'm getting ready to be up all night (heck, I am most of the time now anyway), getting my supply back, ready to start moving out of pregnancy limbo. I used to be panicked about the end, about leaving Katie, about the what ifs, but there's starting to be a calm now. Whatever happens, it'll work out. If things don't go perfectly, it won't matter in a year from now. Back up plans are in place. Everything is starting to come together. There's less need to panic, which is what I need right now. I had so much anxiety about this one day throughout my whole pregnancy, and the last week or so I've been very focused to calm down about it. It's one day, I'll get through it. It's not even the pain of labor I fear, which really, that should be the fear! lol. I'm trying to stay calm about everything. I think it worked, because I might be too calm - I'm at the point where if I accidently had the baby at home or in the car or something, I don't really mind the idea of it! I'm not even worried about the circumcision, but I'm positive that the fear of that will come back once baby is here and in my arms!

If the above isn't a good enough sign that I'm being taken over by wackiness, I also wrote up a full list of about 15 girl names and asked Bill to shorten it down. Yep, I want to come up with at least a short list of names...for a baby that won't be born for at least two years down the road! The problem with nesting is I do it mentally too, and it becomes important for me to be prepared for everything...and I guess that includes the next baby after this as well. One step ahead at all times! We already have our boy's first name, the probable middle name and a back up middle name, so I'd really like to narrow down our girl choices a bit. It seems silly, but if it's going to cause me to mentally calm down, then I'm going to do it anyway.

Now to survive this weekend with my very fussy toddler who is once again sick. The sickness itself isn't the problem as much as her fighting against it. She gets SO frustrated so quickly when playing because she doesn't feel well but won't just lay down. None of us are getting very good sleep with her, mostly because I have a built in hourly alarm to wake me up and check on her temperature and stuffy breathing.