Just a short few days ago when I thought I might have Pre-E and my water might have broken, I felt fine with the idea of having the baby. I wasn't even scared. I felt excited. I was so ready to start labor and get this baby here. I just felt a sense of calm.
Yeah, that's not happening anymore. Realizing I'm going to be full term this week (37 weeks!!!!!!) is actually making me really jittery again. On my baby board, someone asked how many days do you think you have left. Well, until my due date is only 26 days left. I told Bill that any time after Thanksgiving is good for me...NOT realizing that Thanksgiving is only 12 days away. What?? Never mind! I at least have to make it into December. 12 days? I'm not ready for that!
The pain is getting worse every day. There is never a time of the day where I feel like my pelvis isn't cracking and breaking apart. My hip joints have so much relaxin in them that it feels like they're not even joined properly and my legs are all over the place because of it. The pain in my pelvis gets so bad that it brings tears to my eyes at least twice a day - and that's with me taking it extremely easy right now and not doing chores or anything.
And yet, I'm feeling okay with this now. It hurts like hell, but am I really ready to bring home a baby who will change our lives forever? Another little life to have every single day, to watch grow up and marvel at time flies? Am I ready to take this wonderful, perfect little life and change it? It'll of course be changed for the better, but it's still intimidating. It means new schedules, new ways of doing things, new lessons.
Bill is ready, but that's easy for him to be ready. If he was giving birth, I think I'd be jumping up and down saying "aren't you due yet? Don't you want to try labor today? Hurry up!"
I still have quite a few hats to make. I only have two weeks to get them all done. I'm going to have to work double time on them all just to finish them a bit later than I wanted. I've been lazy for a few days, but this week I need to get a hat done every other day to finish up in time. These are NOT easy hats. In fact, the one I'm making took me 4 days of hard work to do last time. I can't wait until they're finished though, as it'll be a huge stress relief once they're all done!
I found yarn a month ago that I SO wanted for myself. I really loved the idea of making a hat and scarf set for this winter. I picked it up again today, nearly put it in the cart, then realized "who am I kidding? I will never have time to make this before the baby comes, and when the baby comes I won't have any time even moreso!" so I put it back. The pretty Homespun purplish, soft yarn that would have been adorable with my maternity pea coat had to be shelved. Next year I may have something for myself!
And for something totally random, boredom found me finding one of my midwives on FB. Seeing their normal, outside of midwife life totally weirded me out for some reason. I left it quickly...but not before also checking out the rest of the midwives because hell, you can't just see one and not the rest. No idea why it felt so weird and strange! Luckily though, I don't feel such a bias as I did with Katie's pregnancy. I've become more comfortable with the midwives this time. Before when I only wanted the one I got with Katie, this time I wouldn't mind the others. In fact, I might even prefer one of the others now (which is good, since she seems to be working more than any of the others, so there's a good chance I could wind up with her!).
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