34w, 4d

There's been a transition this week - I've gone from panicking over how soon the end is to wanting it to be here now. It's that time in pregnancy where I feel horrible all day and night. This time around is much worse than Katie, I was grumpy last time but able to do things, not cursed with contractions and inability to breathe. This time, unless I spend the whole day laying down, I'm feeling horrible. My tailbone feels like it's ready to crack, there's SO much pressure on my pelvis, my belly is always sore because I have so many hard contractions, my cervix is killing me from random stabs that feel like a knitting needle is stabbing through it, my knees hurt from all the extra weight, and now my back aches from cramping, contractions, and the muscles being pulled so hard forward from this big belly.

Yeah, I'm feeling done. Done means I get a baby, I stop fretting, and it's closer to Christmas. Done means I can see my feet again, I can get through the pain and then have a normal body again.

Of course, this doesn't mean I actually want the baby coming anytime soon. I still need him to bake for at least four more weeks and even beyond that a bit just for comfort. But mentally, I'm cheering on the passing of each day. I want to stop dreading the end and just get done and reap my rewards. Logically, I know that this baby is probably staying put for a while after my due date and so I should stop cheering for the end because I'm going to exhaust myself, but yeah...hurry up.

I started to finally pack Katie's bag today. It makes me panicky to do it, so I've held off. It seems like she needs so much to go in it. How can I pack every piece of knowledge needed to keeping this kid happy enough to not notice mommy isn't there? I've been coming up mentally with lists of episodes of certain shows that always makes her happy. I've tried coming up with a list of "if she's crying, try these things in this order." I bought her favorite types of juice and a new pair of Minnie Mouse pajamas. I'm packing her big sister book that she loves to read. I'm going to see if I can actually put together a Shutterfly book about becoming a big sister since she gets really happy to see pictures of Mommy and Daddy when one of them isn't around, so I think it'll help.
Edit: I actually stopped writing here and holy cow did a few hours fly by quickly, but her big sister shutterfly book is now complete. I did a virtual preview read through of it with her and she really liked it and pointed out everything I knew she'd want to point out, so I'm going to order it this weekend and add it to the bag when it gets here.

Also, seeing 38 days left on my tickers just put me into shock. Knowing it's only just over a month until the baby is due is one thing, seeing the days just melt away off those tickers is another! Wow!